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Maternity & Parenting Center

Amends

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Thank you all for your warm anniversary wishes!

My mom’s illness has taught us all so many things. We’ve dealt with the frustrations and idiocy of “the system” – insurance companies, and protocols, and rules and regulations that fail to consider the patient. We’ve had to battle to allow Mom to see her grandchildren, and fight to allow her the dignity of using the commode, and fight to have her pain addressed.

We’ve also learned about kindness and generosity, and we’ve learned that life is precious. We’ve experienced kindness from so many along the way…the staff at the hospital, the strangers we met waiting in the lobbies, the lady who randomly gave me an outfit for Maya that she had laying around, and from so many friends and family. We’ve depended on the generosity of so many – lifelong friends and family, those we haven’t seen in years, and people who have recently entered (or re-entered) our lives – for food, for support, for their time, for their assistance with our children, and for their companionship, morale support and visits.

All of this has forever changed us – it has taught me to be kinder and more considerate of others, to never pass up an opportunity to offer solace and support. It has taught us to value every moment, and consider each day a precious gift of time. It has taught me that you never know when the last time your “normal” will suddenly be a thing of the past.

Today, Mom and I were talking about making amends. Some people make amends because it is a step in the recovery/healing process. My Mom is thinking about amends as part of the dying process. She has apologies she wants to make, regrets she wants to settle, and hurt she wants to express. In her head, she is making that list…and trying to figure out how to tackle each item. Some days, she has the best of intentions…but she has difficulty finding the words.

As I’ve sat down to write tonight, the words from the Tim McGraw song “Live Like You Were Dying” keep popping into my head…is it possible to live each day as if you were dying? To live it to the fullest, without regrets? Is it possible to make amends now, before we have any reason to worry about running out of time to say what we need to say? Amends are a challenge…even when you know you are running out of time. As I examine my life, I wonder what my regret list will be…

The entire house slept in this morning. After Mom’s 1:30 wake up, she did not move a muscle until 8:30! I was the first one awake in the house. I got up, unlocked the door for Krystal, started preparing breakfasts, and waited for everyone to wake up. Almost precisely at 8:30, the house started to wake up. I gave my Mom her morning meds, Krystal arrived, and Micah and Maya greeted the morning. My father helped get both children out of bed this morning. After getting breakfast on the table for Mom and Micah, I nursed Maya.

We had a lazy morning…breakfast, snuggle time, tv time. After breakfast, Mom went back to her room to get ready for the day, and I did some cleaning. Elliot woke up and he decided to take Maya with him to services. Micah stayed here…and watched Sesame Street.

Lan arrived right at 11:00, bringing egg rolls! My mom has been so excited for these egg rolls. She gobbled up 3 or 4 almost immediately. My mom got a manicure and a pedicure first, and caught up with Lan. By 12:00, I was working on giving Micah lunch. By 1:00, Micah was asleep, my mom was down for a nap, and Elliot had brought Maya home…also asleep…and I was in the midst of my manicure/pedicure. Mom also wanted Krystal to have a bit of pampering, too, so while Mom napped, Krystal had her nails done, too. There was a full hour of quiet in this house…with everyone asleep or being pampered. I think it was as close to heavenly as I’ve seen in a long time.

Lan left around 2, and I spent some time snuggling with Maya. Unfortunately, I received a call from our massage therapist…she had to postpone until Tuesday because her sister went into labor. I was disappointed, but how can I be sad when there is another baby on the way?

Elaine and Robin arrived around 4, and Mom and Micah woke up for a visit. We had a great time catching up with them, and the kids were behaving fairly well. Micah took his pants off…but hey, it is just a phase, right?

Jeremy, Jen, Paige and Peyton arrived next. We had a great time with them! Micah could not get enough of playing with his cousins…they ran through the house chasing each other, they went downstairs with Elliot to play in the basement and watch movies, and I think he spent the entire time grinning from ear to ear and shrieking with delight. The girls took turns holding and kissing Maya, and we had a lot of fun. Mom needed a few breaks from the noise, but we all ate dinner together (Ledo’s pizza, topped off with the Milky Way cake that Ann delivered last night). Ann – it was unanimous – the cake was decadent and delicious.

Dinner was a bit amusing…different children throwing food, and Mom begging for dessert from about 5 minutes into the meal. Jeremy could not believe Mom’s obsession with dessert…he kept telling her to wait until the kids had finished their meal. I think the entire conversation revolved around when Mom would be allowed to eat dessert. Micah seems to be taking after his Grammy…but while she screams for chocolate ice cream, Micah’s new favorite word is “cake.” I think he screams cake every time he walks into the kitchen, and if he had his way, he would switch to an exclusive cake diet.

After dinner, the kids resumed playing, and Mom sat and talked to us a bit. Around 8:00, she was ready to head back to her room, and Jeremy, Jen and the girls started to head out for the evening. Krystal got Mom ready for bed and then left for the evening. I worked on putting Maya to bed while Elliot put Micah to sleep. Maya finally fell asleep around 9:30, and at 10 I went in to give Mom her pills and put her to sleep.

Dad, Elliot & I retired to the living room to watch tv. I dozed off for a bit, but Mom woke up at 1:30 and needed me. It is now 3:00, and Elliot is snoring on the couch next to me. I’ll have to pump before bed, and then we can call it a night.

Some days, I really think about what life was like before all of this happened. My life was very different in May…I had a dog, I had a Thursday night date night, and I had a healthy, young, active Mom who did so many little things to make my life easier and make me smile. We shared hobbies and jokes and loved our time together. I loved watching her forge a relationship with my son, and I depended on her in so many ways. I know this is selfish, but I miss being able to count on my Mom to run and do for me…to babysit the kids, to be my sounding board, and all those little things that were my normal. At the same time, I look around at this new life we are building…it is challenging, but it has so many amazing benefits. I have my Mom around all day long. My children have a unique opportunity to live with their grandparents and forge a different kind of relationship with them. We have so many opportunities to see and spend time with friends and family, and we have been given a chance to reconnect with so many. I hope that I can take advantage of this time together and cherish every moment that we have.

Anniversary

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Four years ago today, Elliot and I were celebrating our wedding. It is hard to fathom all that has happened in the past four years…we have moved three times, traveled to Africa, had two children, and now we are dealing with my mother’s cancer. Elliot has been an amazing support through all of this…with the children, for me, and for my entire family.

It cannot be easy to live in a house with his in-laws…and yet, he did not even hesitate when I suggested we do this. To be honest, I did not really ask him. I just told him what I thought needed to be done, and he simply said “then we’ll make it happen.” He just knew that I needed to be there for my Mom and our children, and he saw that this was the only way. So, for that, and everything else you do, Elliot, I thank you.

Today was not a typical anniversary celebration type of day. Elliot and I had no plans together, and we had already decided not to exchange gifts. Normally, I would have tried to do something special or nice for him…and I just did not have the bandwidth to even think about it this year.

I woke up just before 7 with my mother this morning. I gave her medications, and a bit of granola, and asked if she minded resting in bed for another hour and a half until the kids woke up. She said she could listen to her audiobook, and I headed back to bed to nap for a bit.

Maya woke up around 8, and I took her out of her crib to nurse her. Elliot went to get Micah out of bed, and around 8:30, I came out of the room with Maya. Betty arrived, and we decided that things were not working out – it just was not a good fit for either of us.

Betty seems to prefer order, and wants the time to do her job completely and thoroughly. She is a highly competent caretaker, and I think she is used to working in a more controlled environment. I think she is a perfectionist – she just wants to do her job right and to the best of her ability, which means doing her job in a certain order, on a certain schedule, in a certain way.

Our house, however, is filled with tumult…we have 2 young children, Elliot and I work from home and my father is retired, there are always friends and babysitters and other people in and out, and we function at the whim of therapists, classes, babysitters, doctors and clients. Each day is different, our schedule is constantly evolving, and it is certainly always an adventure. I am sure that the chaos will calm down a bit once we settle into more of a routine, but for now, hectic probably does not even begin to describe our world. I think that it must be a difficult situation at best for anyone, and there is a lot of pressure to respond to changes in scheduling and timing quickly, and that often means doing things as well as can be done within the time constraints now and finish it right later.

When Betty left, I contacted Krystal. While we waited for Krystal, I got my mom up into her chair and gave her breakfast. Krystal arrived at 9:30, and got Mom ready for therapy. I have to say, I was so relieved when Krystal walked through the door. I gave her a big hug, my eyes welled up, and I felt my entire body just…relax. I knew we would be okay today, and I knew that Krystal would handle things. It is hard to find someone to trust, and I just trust Krystal to be on top of everything. She seems to understand my priorities, she has a young son herself, and all the chaos and tumult of our home does not phase her at all. Every day, I think how lucky we are that she was assigned to my mother at Levindale.

My Mom had a visit with the home health nurse this morning (we got her bloodwork back – her platelets and white blood cell count have dropped even further), and then she had an OT appointment at 9:30, followed by a PT appointment at 10:30. In the middle of all of this, our landlady showed up with the plumber to fix a few problems (they were unable to fix the leak from the dishwasher). Then, our organizer, Leslie, arrived at 10:30 – and she finished putting our kitchen in order!! What a relief to have that done. Ann Goodman also arrived around 10:30 with a wonderful Shabbat dinner for us! It was fantastic to see her again after all of these years. She had a nice visit with Mom.

I spent most of the morning taking care of Micah and Maya and arranging to interview a new caretaker. At 12:00, I left for the day…I was supposed to have lunch with a friend, but I ended up having to cancel. I received a call about a business opportunity, so I went downtown for a meeting. My father came home to watch the kids while Elliot ran an errand (he picked up a desk for us to use here from a storage unit), and when I left my father was chatting with Ann. Krystal took my mom back to the room for a brief nap, fed her lunch, and got her dressed for the day.

My meeting was fantastic – this was a former client who had a new project and he said he was looking forward to working with me. We will work out the specifics over the next few weeks, but he is completely aware of my home situation and said that he is willing to be flexible and understanding! I’m relieved…I got another email today from a different client looking for a project next month, so maybe I will be able to keep my business alive.

While I was at my meeting, Cat Cleveland, the occupational therapist/vision specialist from The Wilmer Institute conducted a home visit. She gave us a list of recommendations, did a bit of therapy with Mom, showed Krystal a few exercises, and made a few recommendations for other things we can do to help Mom. I think it was a successful visit, and we are working on implementing her recommendations this weekend.

Faye and Barry arrived in the afternoon, too, for a visit with Mom. Barry and my father took a walk to the store, Elliot watched the kids, and Mom and Faye spent the afternoon talking. I arrived home around 4, and Maya had been asleep on Faye for two hours! Mom had just gone back to her room for a nap, and Faye and Barry were getting ready to leave. I was sorry I’d missed the visit.

When I arrived home, I was greeted by the smell of chocolate cake. I realized that Elliot had taken the time in the midst of the insanity…to bake us a heart-shaped anniversary cake! I couldn’t believe he found the time to do that…it was far more than I even considered. Micah was being cute…he stole my nursing cover and wore it like a toga!

We woke Mom up from her nap around 6:00, and we served Ann’s delicious dinner…brisket, couscous, stewed fruit, carrot kugel – it was perfect. We decided to hold off on serving her dessert (a milky way cake) until tomorrow night when my brother, Jen and the girls come to visit. Instead, Elliot served his cake. Micah was a chocolate fiend! He was covered from head to toe in chocolate (and when Elliot put a second piece on his plate, he turned his back…and Micah stole it!).


After dinner, Mom watched the kids for a bit and did a few of her exercises. Elliot and Dad took charge of the kids while I worked on the mountain of dishes. We will be hand-washing this weekend since our dishwasher is not working. What a pain in the neck!! Around 8:00, Mom headed back to her room with Krystal. Elliot and I then put the kids to bed – he took Micah for a bath and I took Maya. Much to my surprise, Maya went to sleep a little after 9, and has stayed asleep. Elliot had to go in one time to “plug the hole” (reinsert her paci when she woke up crying). I sure hope this is a new trend!

After we got the kids to sleep, I went in to talk to Mom and Krystal for a bit. I took time to read Mom the blog and your messages. Krystal finished with Mom at 9:30 and headed out for the night. She’ll be back again Saturday and Sunday. I am not yet sure what we will be doing on Monday (we have an interview set up with another caretaker), but we’ve got the next few days covered.

I ended up talking to Mom until 10, and then I gave her pills and set her up for bed. I came out and watched tv with Dad and Elliot, and must have dozed off on the couch for an hour or two. My Dad woke me at 1:30 to help Mom, and I’ve been awake ever since. It is now 4:30 am, and I’m hoping to clean a few more things before heading to bed.

I cannot WAIT for tomorrow (Saturday)! Mom and I are having a day of pampering, and she has been talking about it all day today. We have a manicure/pedicure set up for both of us at 11. Jeremy, Jen and the girls will be coming to visit and staying through dinner, and then we have a massage therapist coming to the house for us in the afternoon. I hope to end my day all relaxed for a change, and I hope Mom is feeling better, too.

Fabulous

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I get a lot of messages and emails from people telling me that I’m “amazing” or “fabulous”…and I have to say, I don’t understand that. I’m just a person with a sick mother who is doing what needs to be done. I love my Mom…and I know that in a heartbeat, she would do the same for me.

So many of you ask how do I do it…well, as a friend wrote to me tonight, “How can we not?” I think that struck a chord with me…every day, I’m just doing what needs to be done to get through the day. How can I not do it? How can I not care for my children or my mom? It isn’t fabulous, it isn’t amazing, it isn’t even special…it is just life, and it needs to be done. I can’t say I ever feel like I’m doing it well…but I’m doing my best to make it all happen.

I’m lucky – I’ve had an army of people helping me…I have the luxury of babysitters, a husband and a father that are very present, wonderful caretakers for Mom, and so many friends and family bringing food and helping whenever they can. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “it takes a village.”

My day started early this morning – my mom was up before 7, a bit confused about the time. I have to say, for just a second I wished I had another hour and a half to relax…and then I pulled myself up and got going. Micah and Maya were awake early, too. My mom got up and out of bed and we ate an early breakfast together. I packed up a bag for the day, and started to get the kids ready. Betty arrived at 8:30, and she spent the next hour getting my mother dressed and ready for the day.

Megan took Micah to preschool today. I love that she sends me texts with pictures of Micah at his cutest throughout the day, like these:


I hate that I have had to rely on her so often, but we had to take Mom to the doctor’s office this morning. Mom, Dad, Maya, Betty and I left for our appointments at 10:30. We first met with Dr. Rodbard, Mom’s endocrinologist. Mom is doing well, and Dr. Rodbard made some changes to Mom’s medicine protocol. I expect her sugar levels will dramatically improve over the next few days.

Our next appointment was with Dr. Boccia, the hematologist. My Mom’s platelets had dropped again, and she will need increased monitoring. Her white blood count is incredibly low, too, so that is of great concern. He informed us that Mom will likely not be permitted to continue with her monthly chemotherapy…that was the biggest shock. We are worried about what this means for Mom long term. For now, they are holding off on a platelet transfusion until they see what happens over the next few days. She is having more blood drawn tomorrow, and we’ll see where we are. In the meantime, her appointment went well.

We arrived home from our appointments and Mom had her second lunch and took a nap. Micah was napping all afternoon. We had to deal with our landlady about repairing the house (there is a leak in the basement now). Mom’s speech therapy was after her nap, and the kids woke up and were playing all afternoon. Maya was difficult again at bedtime – I wish she would just go to bed! We have a full day ahead tomorrow.

Letting go

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Just as I think I might have things under some semblance of control…G-d laughs again. My mom only woke once overnight last night, around 3:30 am. I helped her out and went back to bed. Thankfully, the children were good and slept until after 8:00. My mom woke up first, and my Dad got her some granola to tide her over until Betty arrived. Unfortunately, my Dad forgot to take my mother’s blood sugar first.

I let Micah sit in bed a few minutes longer, and Dad said he’d get Maya while I helped Mom with her meds. Micah managed to sneak into the room…and steal Mom’s applesauce. I ended up putting him at the dining room table with a spoon and some applesauce.

Betty arrived promptly at 8:30, and I did my best to get things moving – I had both kids awake, I fed Maya, I gave Micah breakfast, I picked out an outfit for Micah, and I made Mom’s breakfast. I started to become impatient…Mom needed to be out to the table to eat her breakfast quickly so that she could be ready for her physical therapy appointment at 9:00. Unfortunately, it was almost 9:15 before Betty got Mom out of the room and at the table, and Mom ended up missing 30 minutes of her therapy appointment.

At 9:15, I realized that Megan had not yet arrived. I went to my phone to give her a call, and I saw a text from her telling me that she had a family emergency and would not be able to make it today. Dad had already left for the day, Elliot had a meeting, and I just did not know how I was going to get Micah to class and juggle everything else without more help. I tried in vain to get Micah ready and out the door on time, but it became evident that we were not going to make it to class today.

After Mom’s therapy, she wanted to go back to her room for a few minutes to finish getting ready. At 10:30, her former co-workers Bonnie and Harriet arrived for a visit! They brought us fresh fruit and a bulghur wheat dish that looked delicious, and an adorable book for Micah. Mom sat and chatted with them for a while, and then there was a knock at the door. When the woman walked in, I was confused, because I thought Mom’s occupational therapy was not scheduled until Friday. Turns out, she was there for Maya from the Maryland Infants and Toddlers Program, and I had completely forgotten that she was coming.

We headed downstairs (with Micah, too) while my Mom continued her visit, and she did her evaluation of Maya. Maya is doing great (no thanks to the program). She is at or ahead of her milestones, and she has made significant progress with her sucking issues. We just need to improve her bottle feeding skills (she is still struggling with bottle nipples). We scheduled one more appointment, and then I think she will be released from the program. I did ask her about Micah and whether he should/could be evaluated more specifically for sensory perception issues. She did notice a few behaviors while she was there, and we discussed our family history with ADD, but I have a feeling they won’t do much at this time.

After our appointment, I nursed Maya and took Micah outside to play for a while in the back yard. I then brought Micah inside to watch an episode of Sesame Street while I headed upstairs to prepare lunch for my mother. Maya was cranky, and my father arrived back home to try and help out for an hour or so. I sent him downstairs to keep an eye on Micah, and I tried my best to pacify Maya while preparing lunch. Mom and I had more vegetable soup from Sheila, fresh fruit, and of course Mom topped off her meal with a bowl of chocolate ice cream.

I was struggling with what to feed Micah for lunch…so I decided to take the easy way out and I gave him a stick of cheese while he watched tv. After he finished the episode of Sesame Street, I gave him some crackers and fruit, too. Immediately after lunch, I put Micah down for a nap, and Maya, too. Just as I thought I was getting some down time, Mom’s speech therapist arrived. Naturally, Maya woke up during the appointment, so she kept me occupied.

After speech therapy, Mom lay down for a nap. Micah slept for over 3 hours, and Mom slept for about 2 1/2 – 3 hours. I started to get a migraine, but Maya just would not give me a break and nap. I ended up getting a few phone calls…from Dr. Boccia and Dr. Holdhoff. We will be taking Mom to see Dr. Boccia tomorrow to have her platelets checked again, and then Dr. Boccia and Dr. Holdhoff will decide if my mother needs to go to the hospital for a platelet transfusion.

While Betty and I were sitting in the living room, I made a comment about having a migraine and wishing I could take a nap. Betty then told me that I was not taking advantage of her ability to help. She is probably right…I’m used to doing things for my mother, and I’m not fully comfortable letting everything go yet. It turns out, she was quite insulted that I did not let her take out the trash yesterday to help me out. I tried to explain that the trash issue had nothing to do with me…Elliot is a little…crazy…about trash. He is a recycling nut, and he really cannot stand it when anyone else takes out the trash. It is just easier to leave it for him than for us to take it out – he will end up digging through the garbage later anyway, and I can’t stand to hear the complaining about how it was done wrong!

Betty and I had a good conversation…she also pointed out that this morning I insisted on taking my mother’s wheelchair to the breakfast table. That is when I decided to be honest with Betty – I’m frustrated that she takes so long in the mornings with my mother and throws off our entire schedule. I took Mom to the breakfast table this morning because she was 30 minutes late. I had specifically asked Betty to delay the morning washing routine (since she had just washed Mom thoroughly before bed) so that she could get to breakfast early and be on time for therapy, and Betty disregarded my request. I thanked her for how caring and thoughtful she has been with my mother, but I expressed my frustration that she can be a bit rigid and prioritizes doing things in a pre-set order over fitting activities around my Mom’s therapy schedule. She kept insisting that my mother should be washed/bathed first thing in the morning, and I tried to explain that it was more important that my Mom eat breakfast no later than 9 because of her diabetes and medication restrictions, that therapy took precedence over morning ritual, and that it was okay if my mother needed to eat breakfast in her pajamas and dress and wash afterwards.

Betty did not seem to approve of that, and said that if Mom was going to eat breakfast in her pajamas, it should be in bed. This morning, my Mom explicitly stated that she preferred to eat breakfast at the table. We talked about the importance of therapy time, and Betty asked why we couldn’t move it later. I said that I would certainly request a later time, but that for now, therapy was early, and that my Mom could not miss any more therapy time because of morning routines that could be done later in the day. Again, I pointed out that most of Mom’s therapy was done in the bedroom, and there would be no real harm in doing therapy in her pajamas. I hope we settled things – I would like to rely more on Betty and let go, but I have to trust that she will get Mom to her appointments in a timely manner, even if it means setting aside her routines. I know that Betty’s heart is in the right place, and I know that this is a learning curve for both of us.

Shortly after Betty and I chatted, Elliot and my father came both came home. Micah woke up next, followed by my mother. Betty got Mom up and to the living room while we managed the kids. Around 5:30, Suzette showed up with dinner from our friends: Gail and Steven Niedelman, Suellen and Greg Kaye, Sharon and Eddie Klawansky, Roz and Jay Baxter, Suzy Starr, Diane and Joey Breslow, Sheila and Les Lichter, Faye and Barry Mertz, Elaine and Robin Wexler, Arleen and Lorin Luchs, Suzette and Joel Levine, Bonnie and Stanley Favin, and Pat Mehok and Kevin Hughes. It was an incredible feast, and our refrigerator is now overflowing with food! We had cheese sticks and fried zucchini, salad, eggplant parmesan, spinach and cheese lasagna, fresh fruit, and cheese cake for dessert. Mom, of course, could not survive the meal without her chocolate ice cream! I think we have no choice but to eat leftovers all day tomorrow.

After dinner, Mom was a bit exhausted. Betty moved her back to the bedroom, and started their nighttime rituals. Elliot and I spent a little time with the kids. Micah was running around, he rode his tricycle in the garage, and he kept running back to see Grammy. My grandmother’s friend, Mildred Cantor (Faye’s mother) called Mom tonight to chat. It was wonderful to hear Mildred’s voice again…I haven’t spoken to her in many years, but I used to call her house every New Year’s Eve to wish my grandmother a Happy Birthday. Mildred and Mom chatted for a bit, and it was bittersweet.

Micah and Maya hung out for a little while in Grammy’s room. Actually, they were so cute together – Maya kept looking for Micah and grabbing handfuls of his hair, and Micah would cuddle close to her, say “baby” and give her kisses. Micah went to bed around 8:15…as he left the room, he said “bye bye, Mimi” to Mom – it gave her a huge grin on her face! Every time Micah has been seeing her door, he waves and says “bye bye, Mimi.”

Betty left at 8:30, and my mom rested for a while. Micah went to bed easily, but Maya was quite difficult to put down again tonight. I went in to see my Mom at 10:00 to give her medication and put her to sleep. She woke up again at 1:30, and hopefully she is now back down for the night. Another good day…but I sure hope Megan is able to return to work tomorrow.

Searching for Normal

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Rough night, but good day. My mom was up at 1:30, 4:30 and 7:30 last night. Betty arrived at 8:30, and Megan at 9. I had another rough day getting Elliot to get up and help with the children again, but my Dad was doing his best to juggle them while I helped my mother.

I took Micah to preschool today – for the first time in a few weeks. He seemed to be having a great time, but he was very clingy – he did not want me to go more than a few feet away from him. After class, we returned home for lunch. I had just missed the nurse, who came to check my mother’s blood pressure and draw blood.

Micah was not much in the mood for eating – he munched on an apple, and I made my mother a tuna fish sandwich. My Mom told me that she spoke to her co-worker and friend Ruby, and that she planned to come by with couscous. My mom has been so excited that she asked me about 100 times today if I knew what time Ruby was coming by to visit. I think she wanted to save her appetite for the couscous.

Patricia was here cleaning the house, and she was a huge help – she managed to put a lot of things in order and help us with the unpacking, too. Megan took Micah out to run an errand, and I stayed behind trying to get a few things done around the house. After lunch, we took Mom back to her room for a bit of a nap. She made some phone calls and rested. Micah and Megan returned home, and Micah also went down for his nap. Megan spent most of the afternoon keeping track of Maya while I made a schedule for my mother, took care of a few appointments, returned some calls and emails, and did a bit of cleaning and unpacking.

Sheila arrived around 3:00…with vegetable soup for us! My mother has been looking forward to this soup since Saturday, and it certainly delivered. She came in and I gave her a tour of the house, and brought her back to chat with Mom. After a while, Betty brought Mom back out to the living room, and Dad arrived home, too. We all sat around chatting, and it was a nice afternoon. Sheila offered to help me get a bit more organized in the kitchen…and I gladly took her up on the offer! We pulled out duplicate food items, moved things around, unloaded 2 more boxes of food, and she helped me cull through some of the items to make more room in the kitchen. When we were finished, I definitely felt as if we’d made a dent in the kitchen. I think I can get the kitchen in order within the next few days.

Around 5:00, the occupational therapist showed up to work with my mother. They did some exercises and evaluations for almost an hour. While they were working, I reheated the soup from Sheila, and she stayed with us through dinner. The soup was DELICIOUS, and it was so nice to not have to think about dinner. Micah skipped dinner and watched Sesame Street. He had actually eaten a ton of peanut butter, so I was fine with that. He was singing along with Elmo’s World, and he was just adorable.

We ended dinner with apple pie and chocolate ice cream (of course). We got a call from the nurse who told us Mom’s bloodwork indicated that her platelets are low again. She will likely need another platelet transfusion, and we are going to see if her hematologist down here can do it instead of returning to Hopkins.

Sheila left after dinner, and we spent time with the kids hanging out. Micah drank another smoothie that Lorin had left behind…and he cried when it was all gone. Around 8, Betty took Mom back to the room to get her into her pajamas. Elliot, Micah, Maya, Dad and I watched Glee, and Micah was singing and dancing. He cheered “YAY!” at the end of each song. He was being so cute as he hugged and kissed us all, and he kept running back to check on Grammy – giving her kisses, signing (and saying) “I love you.”

Mom decided to stay in bed for the evening. Betty left at 8:30, and we left Mom in the room with her audiobook to relax. Elliot bathed Micah and put him to bed while I worked on getting Maya to sleep. Maya finally crashed and we placed her in the swing for a bit before moving her into her crib. So far, so good!

I returned to Mom at 10:00 to give mom her nighttime meds and put her to sleep. Luckily, both Micah and Maya were down for the night – I’m hoping for a good night tonight.

Today was much calmer…I got a glimpse of normalcy again, and I think that we will get into a routine in another week or two. It has been so nice having my mom around us, and I love seeing her and my father interacting with the kids. Micah is finally getting comfortable with Mom again…he used to be so attached to her, but with all this time away (ever since she got sick in May), he just has been more distant from her. But lately, he seems to be paying more attention to her again, and he runs down to her room to check on her and say hi. He also seems a bit infatuated with Betty.

I’m hoping for a quiet night!

Insanity

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Today was insane. I believe the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. That must be what I am doing…I keep thinking that somehow, the kids will cooperate, that everyone will nap at the same time, that the phone will stop ringing, that my fairy godmother will wave her magic wand…and that I will be able to magically tackle all of the tasks on my list while in a dress and singing to my talking animal friends. Okay, maybe not the magic wand or fairy princess part, but I do keep thinking I’ll finish my “to-do” list. I somehow thought that by coming home, life would settle down and become…maybe a bit boring. I thought with caretakers and babysitters I’d have hours of time to myself…time to rebuild my business, time to rest, time to catch up on the DVR. Apparently, I’m delusional, because I didn’t even have time to eat today!
Mom slept through the night last night…and so did the kids! Of course, I was up every hour or so checking monitors at some sound or another, mostly because I just couldn’t believe everyone was sleeping so soundly. Micah was the first one awake at 7:00 am. He spoke a few times (sounded like he was saying hi to his stuffed animals and asking for Elmo). I left him alone – I knew the minute he went screaming down the hallway with his toddler exuberance, there would be no more sleeping people in the house. By 7:30, Maya was making noise. I went in to get her and nurse, but I heard Mom calling for me at the same time. I asked Elliot to grab Maya while I went to my mother. I checked her blood sugar, gave her meds, got her some juice and water and a little granola to hold her until breakfast. I then went back to get Micah out of bed and nurse Maya.
I have to say, morning is NOT Elliot’s strength. I’m not a morning person, but he is just terrible in the mornings. He gets snappy and unhappy, and he does not understand why he should have to wake up and do…well, anything, most mornings. He grumbled something about Maya being cranky because I made him get her out of bed too soon, and something about Maya waking Micah (all wrong…he was just in the midst of a delusion that if I had not ruined his morning, the kids would have slept until noon).
I ran around like a crazed lunatic…trying to nurse Maya and make breakfast for Mom and Micah and search for Maya’s clothing (her basket of clothing has gone missing). Both of my parents had time to spend with Maya:


The phone was ringing off the hook with questions from nurses and Verizon and health care equipment companies. Betty arrived at 8:30, and I tried to take some time to give her a brief introduction/orientation while taking care of two screaming children. In the midst of all the madness, my father ran to the store…and I have no idea where Elliot was. I emptied the dishwasher and tried to empty a few more boxes in the kitchen and clear off the counter so that I could do some real cooking. Megan arrived at 9, and she helped get Micah ready and off to Kidville for his class.
While they were out, I started to work on cleaning up while Betty and my mother got to know each other. Unfortunately, Maya started screaming, and I had to divert my attention back to her. Then Betty had some questions for me about the routine and where things were located. Next thing I knew, there was a knock at the door…and the guy from the wheelchair company was here to see my mother’s chair. I have to say, he was not such a nice man. I asked him about my mother’s wheelchair and our impression that it was supposed to recline, and he nearly blew a gasket. He said no one told him about any reclining and if we didn’t like the chair, he’d return it and wouldn’t get us a new one (knowing full well he is the only person our insurance company authorizes to fit Mom for wheelchairs). We must have spent an hour or two discussing her wheelchair. In short, he basically told us we were S.O.L…they ordered this wheelchair, and there was no way to change the order.
After he left, it was time for lunch. My mom wanted peanut butter on a bagel (with a side order of pie and ice cream). Micah wanted…to throw his food on the floor. He got upset when he saw Grammy’s cup with a straw and he wanted one, too. I gave him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and he ate some of it. Right after lunch, Micah went down for his nap, and Maya was dozing on and off. I started to do some more cleaning…but the phone was ringing. We had all kinds of health care professionals calling us to make appointments with Mom and to be honest, my head was spinning and I didn’t have a chance to write it all down. Perhaps the best call of the day…a former client with a new project for me. I’m hoping that I can get things together in the next week and get back to working, because I really want to spend some time catching up on my work.
Suddenly, it was 2:00 pm, and my mom was thinking of taking a nap. She had mentioned that she also wanted to take a walk since she never made it outside yesterday. We decided that if we did not go out for our walk immediately, it was unlikely to happen at all. So, Betty, Mom and I bundled up and went for a short walk through the neighborhood.

I think we were gone for at least 30 minutes or so. When we returned, our friend, Joan Krauthamer, was there waiting for us!
Mom and Joan sat and chatted and caught up while Betty did some more unpacking and organizing in Mom’s room. Just as I was getting ready to do some more unpacking in the kitchen, the delivery guy from Apria Medical Equipment arrived. He needed to deliver a lift for Mom, and fix her bed and table. Not surprisingly, it turned into quite an ordeal. I think he was here for nearly two hours. Every time he thought he “fixed” the bed, we showed him that it was still broken. He was quite irritated, and after 3 attempts at fixing the bed, he finally replaced it. We had a minor snafu with the lift…first, we thought it wasn’t covered by insurance, so we nearly refused the delivery again. Once we clarified everything with the insurance company, he dragged it inside. As he was demonstrating how it worked…we realized it was broken! He had to drag that back outside again. Mom received a replacement table, too. By the time he left, he was quite irritated that the repair on Mom’s bed had taken such a long time. He and Betty were not getting along, so I ended up having to run in and mediate. At least he fixed the bed before he left!
Right after the guy from Apria left, Mom stretched out for a nap…only to have the woman from physical therapy come by at 4:30. They had a short session, but it seemed productive. Mom will have physical therapy three days each week – Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 9:00 am. She was tired, but she seemed excited to start her therapy. In the middle of all of this, Megan left for the day, and I went back to chasing two unhappy children while trying to observe Mom’s therapy. Around 5:00, my friend Betsy and her daughter Becca stopped in for a visit. Micah and Becca played a bit, but Micah was NOT playing nicely. I ran upstairs around 5:30 (while Elliot monitored Micah) to check on Mom and start to make dinner. I had the baby in tow some of the time, she napped a bit, and then my father took her for a while.
Unfortunately, it was nearly 6:00 before I managed to make any real progress with dinner. I was busy hunting for pots and pans and trying to clear space and carrying Micah – it was a disaster! It also turned out that we were nearly out of a few of the key ingredients…we barely had any artichoke hearts, and we were quite short on the bulghur wheat. I searched the cabinets to improvise, and I decided that quinoa was close enough. Unfortunately, I forgot that quinoa takes about 20 minutes to cook. Despite everything, dinner tasted good…just a little different from the norm. Micah was unwilling to eat much…but he spent the evening sucking down a delicious smoothie from Lorin. I figured it was a passable dinner…fruit and yogurt, right?
Mom was too tired to join us at the table for dinner, so we brought her dinner in bed. Immediately after dinner, she wanted ice cream and granola for dessert. It was about 8:15 pm when she was finally settling in for the evening, and she closed her eyes and napped for about 1 1/2 hours. I gave her evening medications at 10 and Betty cleaned Mom up and got her ready for bed by 10:30. All in all, I think our first day working with Betty was a success.
We did a bit more cleaning around the house. My father was trying his best to be helpful…but he decided to put my very expensive Calphalon pans in the dishwasher! So, now I’m going to be in the market for a new set of pans. I went in to cry to my mom briefly tonight…I just wish I had more time free to do what I need to do, and I wish that sometimes my father and Elliot don’t do things to “help” like ruin my pots. His heart was in the right place…but my pots were in the dishwasher :(.
After the kids were in bed (Elliot finally got Maya to sleep and in her crib around 10:30), Elliot and Dad decided to work on assembling a few toys for the kids that have been sitting in boxes for far too long – a step stool, a bench and a toy chest. It was kind of fun to watch them working together. My father always loves putting that stuff together, and they seemed to do a pretty good job working together. I think Micah is going to be thrilled tomorrow morning!
My Mom just woke up briefly around 1:15. She was uncomfortable and needed to be repositioned. I’m hoping that she will rest comfortably and sleep through the night. I’m looking around and thinking that I might need to go back to unpacking – I don’t think I’m going to have another quiet moment any time soon, and Patricia is supposed to be here in the morning to clean. Right now, she can’t possibly do much cleaning with all the boxes and mess! I’m so frustrated that I don’t seem to be able to make any real progress. I know I would feel so much better if the house was in order and I could find the things I need. I don’t know how, but I have to get the kitchen unpacked and my bedroom in order over the next few days. And I desperately need to find my contact lenses.
Uh oh…I think we’re in for a long night. I was just getting ready to hunt for my pump, but Maya woke up crying. I think she is not going to go back down any time soon. I just asked Elliot to go in there…I’ve noticed that both kids seem to go down faster if Elliot goes in during the middle of the night wakings than when I go in to cuddle them. I have no idea why, but it really makes a huge difference.
Tomorrow I’ve got preschool for Micah in the morning, and Patricia coming to clean. I think we have an appointment with the home health nurse, and I have no idea what other things I agreed to do! I’m supposed to go to a board meeting tomorrow night for BBYO, but I’m just not sure I’ll be able to make it yet. And what I’d REALLY like to do is to get up, go pamper myself with a massage (I’ve even got a gift certificate I can use), a manicure, and a pedicure, and come home to a fully unpacked house and a prepared dinner, then head out to meet some friends to play mah jong. Perhaps next Tuesday….

Getting settled

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I wish I took more time to jot down my thoughts throughout the course of the day…I keep forgetting to record so many things, and I feel like I want to grab on to every precious memory right now. Today was another good day. I love having my Mom home with us. There are definitely big adjustments (more people, caretakers, more people making messes), but being together has been…nice.

My mom woke up briefly at 2:30 am again last night. Her nighttime waking is never an issue – she usually just needs something quick and easy and then falls right back to sleep. Unfortunately, last night, both kids were awake and screaming all night. Maya has been extremely clingy lately, and just does not want to sleep unless she is tucked in close to me. Micah woke up around 4:00 am screaming, so Elliot went in to sit with him while I kept Maya close. Turns out, Elliot forgot to give Micah his reflux medication, so it had him coughing and hurting all night.

Once we finally got the children to sleep, all was quiet in the house until 8:00 am. Mom woke up first while Micah and Maya (and Elliot) slept. I gave her some water and her morning pills. We took her blood sugar, and I asked her if she needed me to start getting her ready. She said she could wait for Krystal, and asked me to bring her some granola to tide her over until breakfast. Lately, my mom is obsessed with the Costco granola. She had three helpings this morning before we even ate breakfast!

Krystal showed up around 8:30. I prepared breakfast for my Mom while my Dad ran a few errands, Elliot, Micah and Maya slept, and Krystal and Mom did their morning routine. I managed to unload the dishwasher and clean up a few things, too. Micah woke up next, and I brought him out to eat breakfast with my mother.


After breakfast, I realized that we needed to get moving. Micah had swim class at 11, and we had a simchat bat (a baby naming) at 1:00. We ran around trying to find our things for swim class. I successfully located the swim bag, Micah’s bathing suit, and my bathing suit. I even managed to find a clean outfit to wear today! I again failed to find my contact lenses…that is my task for tomorrow. I could not find a clean outfit for Maya, so I ended up recycling the one she wore yesterday. She had fallen asleep, so I grabbed the outfit for Elliot to use later.

I love swim class – Micah has so much fun blowing bubbles and practicing his swimming skills. He was extremely excited to see Daddy up on the observation deck, too, and took a few “time outs” to wave and yell to Daddy. After swim class, Micah and I took a shower and got ready for the baby naming. Elliot and I had previously bought a gift…but could not find it in the move, so we ran to Target to get something small to bring until we find the “real” gift.

We had a great time at the naming. Micah ran around with two of our friends kids (Max and Sarah) and they had such a good time playing together. He is getting to be a really big boy, and it just amazes me. I ended up having a few fairly heavy discussions with a few of the other guests…a few of them have been through similar challenges and even the loss of a parent. I have to say, I shed a few tears, but it was also nice to know others who have been through the same thing.

We left a little after 3 and came home. My mom was asleep, and my parents had a nice day while we were out. Arleen and Lorin came by and brought lunch (and left behind a smoothie for Micah). We put Micah down for a nap, Elliot fell asleep, and Maya and I snuggled and snoozed on the couch together. I woke up around 5:15, and realized we needed to get things ready for dinner. We decided to keep it simple…just hot dogs for dinner. My father ran out to the store to pick up some hot dog buns, baked beans, potato salad and sauerkraut. I ate veggie dogs, and we had an easy dinner together. Tomorrow, if I can get the kitchen in order, I’m going to tackle cooking a real meal. My mother has specifically request our special vegetable cheese and bean topped bulghur wheat dinner.

My mother was barely finished with dinner when she was asking for dessert – a slice of apple pie and some chocolate ice cream. After dinner, we retired to the living room. Krystal took my mom back to her room to change, and then she settled in on the sofa. Krystal left around 8:45, Micah was in bed asleep, and my Mom decided to stay on the sofa until her 10:00 medicines. I tried to get Maya to fall asleep in her crib – we even decided to let her “cry it out” for about 10 minutes, but that didn’t seem to work. I brought her back into the living room to sit with us. We had recorded a show on national geographic on migration (Lorin recommended it to my Mom today), and we sat and watched it this evening. Actually, the cinematography was fabulous! There was a segment on penguins, and Elliot called me back in the room to watch.

Elliot and I have a joke about penguins. On our honeymoon, we went to South Africa. There are lots of penguins in Africa, and African penguins are known as Jackass Penguins. I thought it was funny…so we started joking about using the word penguin instead of jackass. Calling each other penguins (and doing a cute little penguin walk to imitate the penguins) became our little joke. I even bought him a penguin afghan as a Chanukah gift that year.

While Mom was watching tv, Maya was being difficult and refusing to go to sleep. I ended up putting Maya on Mom’s lap, and she sat there quite contentedly for a while. I took some time to do the dishes and clean up a bit, and I managed to put a few more things in the kitchen drawers.



At 10:00, we gave Mom her bedtime medications and put her to sleep. Elliot managed to get Maya asleep, and he put her back in her crib. No surprise…she started crying again. We gave her another 10 minutes to see if she would cry herself to sleep, but no such luck. Elliot went back in, flipped her onto her back, put in her pacifier, looked at her and said “You’re okay. Time to go night night. Daddy loves you.” She looked at him, got quiet, and he left. Much to my amazement, she stayed quiet and eventually fell asleep. I’m hoping we can keep her in the crib all night and she can sleep through the night.

Things seem to be going well for us. I am feeling free to leave, and we are slowly making plans. We have different therapies scheduled to start this week – Tuesday is physical therapy (here is a “small world” story – we were given our PT’s name, and both Mom and I thought it sounded familiar, but couldn’t place it. She called today…turns out, we DO know her – she is the mother of one of my brother’s childhood friends, and we just didn’t recognize her remarried last name) and Wednesday is speech therapy. We are going to a doctor’s appointment on Thursday, too.

For those interested in visiting, I’m thinking that morning time or dinner/early evening are probably the best times. My mom seems to nap for a few hours in the afternoons, and I would hate to disrupt her rest time.

Rolling…

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First full day at home…and I think things went extremely well! Mom slept well last night – she woke up only briefly at 4:30 am. I actually got a few hours of sleep, too. I took Maya to bed around 2, woke up with Mom at 4:30, and went back to sleep around 5:30 or so. I woke up a few more times briefly between 7 and 8 before waking up for the day. Krystal arrived promptly at 8:30, and my mother woke up shortly thereafter.

I gave mom her first set of pills, and then left while Krystal helped her get ready. I made breakfast for everyone…Mom, Dad, Elliot, and Micah. We sat at the table together, and it was a nice morning meal.

About 10 minutes after I changed Maya, I heard a loud explosion. Yes, she decided to poop in her clean diaper…AGAIN. Elliot always jokes that she likes a fresh bowl (for those of you who used to watch Ally McBeal, that is Elliot’s nod to Peter McNichol’s character, who used his remote device to flush the toilet BEFORE entering the stall because he liked a fresh bowl).

After breakfast, Dad went out to run some errands, and Elliot and Micah got ready to leave for services. Mom, Maya, Krystal and I spent the day together. I read Mom the blog, I made a few phone calls, we sat and chatted a bit.

The home health nurse arrived today to conduct the intake interview and start the process for Mom’s services. Mom will have weekly blood draws and monitoring through this nurse, and she will also have physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy. In fact, the speech therapist called tonight, and we have our first appointment with him on Wednesday.

While the nurse was here, Jeremy arrived for a visit. He was able to stay for a few hours, and we had a good visit. We gave him a tour of the house, and he did some entertaining of Maya. While he was here, Maya decided to show off…and she rolled over from back to belly for the first time!!




She did it several times, in fact, with a big juicy grin on her face. Jeremy was a pile of mush for his niece, and my mom kept talking about her chubby cheeks and juicy smile. After our wonderful visit, Jeremy had to leave to go in to work for a few hours.

Shortly thereafter, we had an interesting visit from the neighbors across the street – they stopped by with cookies to introduce themselves! I’ve never had neighbors be that friendly before. I couldn’t decide, however, if they were trying to figure us out. We moved in suddenly, we’ve had trucks back and forth, and delivery people with equipment, about 900 different cars in and out (not to mention the 4 cars we are driving), a nursing aide, a babysitter, and a home health nurse, so I can definitely understand their curiosity. They stayed about 15 minutes or so, and Mom had a chance to chat with them, too. I think they definitely asked a number of questions, but I tend to question people when they are so friendly! I’m not sure if I mentioned this before, but we learned the other day that our landlord failed to file the proper documents to make this a rental unit. I have a sneaking suspicion that our friendly neighbors across the street may have been the ones who reported her, but perhaps I’m wrong.

Elliot, Micah and my father returned home from their outings by 2:30 or so. Elliot immediately put Micah down for a nap (Micah was awake and chatting for over an hour), Krystal took my Mom to her room for a nap, and I managed to get Maya to sleep for her nap. Elliot disappeared downstairs (I assume he napped, too), and I surveyed the house. I’m not sure what my father was doing…probably in and out running errands. I knew that it might be my only chance to do some cleaning and unpacking…and I just couldn’t. I was so tired and just sick of unpacking. I stretched out my legs on the couch…and crashed.

I heard Maya wake up, and I went to go grab her, but Krystal got there first. I am ashamed to admit this, but I let her take Maya. I knew it wasn’t her job, and I just…didn’t get up. I slept for 1 1/2 hours thanks to Krystal, and it isn’t even in her job description to help with Maya. Elliot and my father were nowhere nearby, and without Krystal, I never would have gotten a nap today. I opened my eyes a few times and told Krystal I could take Maya, but each time she insisted she had her and to go back to sleep. And I did. I cannot even begin to thank Krystal for all of her help – she runs a little extra interference with Micah, she picks up and holds the baby when I need to help my mother with things, and she is always happy to help out. She has been unpacking and organizing things in my mother’s room, and she has had so many great ideas for getting us set up. She has perhaps been one of the most helpful people to me over the past few weeks, and especially the past 48 hours. So, thank you, Krystal, for all you do. It is GREATLY appreciated.

By 4:30, I was awake again and starting to plan for dinner. My father arrived home at 5, and I sent him back out again to pick up food for dinner. We ordered an assortment of Italian food (pizza, ravioli and eggplant parmesan), and it was a nice meal. I set the table and got everything ready to go. We worked on waking my mother up from her nap, and I got Elliot up and asked him to watch Maya. My mother was very confused…she always seems to think it is morning when she wakes up from her naps, and somehow, even when we tell her that it is 6:00 pm, she cannot understand how it is not morning.

When my father got home with dinner, I put the food out and Krystal got Mom ready to join us for dinner. My father woke Micah up from his nap, and Micah was NOT happy about that. After grumping for about 10 minutes, he dug into dinner with almost as much gusto as my mother.

After dinner, Suellen and Greg came by with a feast for dessert…chocolate chip cookies, rugelach, apple pie, and maccaroons. We had a great visit – Micah was running around, they brought a beautiful gift for Maya, and we had a lovely evening. My mom went back to her room around 8:30 and Suellen and Greg left. Krystal stayed a little while longer to help us get Mom ready for bed, and she gave me a few tips on helping my Mom. That has been invaluable, and I hope it makes things easier for us at night.

We decided to keep Micah awake until 9:00 for daylight savings in the hopes that he gets right back on schedule. Micah through a fit because he couldn’t play with the “say cheese” (his word for camera). I need to get tempting items like that out of his reach.

Mom dozed a bit from 9 until 11 when I woke her to give her bedtime medications. She immediately fell back asleep, and I hope she sleeps soundly through until morning. Even if she wakes up once, I’m fairly certain she’ll fall back to sleep quickly and sleep in a bit. I held her medications an extra hour tonight so that she can sleep later tomorrow morning.

We tried to put Maya to sleep at 8:30, hoping that she would start to fall asleep at a more normal time and that daylight savings time will just push her entire schedule a bit earlier. Unfortunately, no such luck. Maya has been asleep since about 8:40, but every time we put her down, she cries. She just wants to sleep snuggled close to someone. I wish I knew how to make her sleep in her crib, or anywhere but on one of us!

I think we are starting to get into a routine. We eat breakfast at 8:30/9, lunch at 12:30, and dinner at 6. It works for Micah, it works for Mom and her medicine schedule, and it is fairly consistent with the schedule she kept at the hospital. Of course, if you ask my mother, she’ll tell you that I need to do a better job of creating a consistent schedule. She thinks it was very outrageous to serve her eggplant parmesan for breakfast, and she thinks I’m going to damage her stomach with such crazy foods. She also thinks I need to do a better job of getting her to eat at normal times, because she shouldn’t have breakfast twice in one day. Yes, the confusion about time is a bit frustrating…no matter how many times I explain to her that she woke up from a nap and it was dinner time, she thinks I’m lying to her. It didn’t matter that I reminded her that we had breakfast and lunch and that eggplant was dinner – she somehow believes that I forgot to serve her dinner and then I gave her eggplant for breakfast. Logic just defies this situation. My mother ended our 8:00 session tonight chastising me about getting the timing better for meals…but I think I’m going to stick with feeding her (and the rest of us) at 8:30, 12:30 and 6:00 (with an afternoon snack in there as appropriate).

So, if you are planning to join us for a meal…please understand that the timing is fairly important, and while we might be able to fudge things a little earlier or later, we need to keep things on schedule for her medications and for the sake of her time disorientation (that, and mom does NOT like to wait for food these days).

So, after today, I made zero progress on cleaning up. I did get to shower, but I still have no idea where most of my clothing is located. I also managed to sort my mother’s pills into a pill container for the week, so that should also make things easier for us. I’m hoping to find more time tomorrow to focus on unpacking and getting organized. My goal is to have the kitchen, our bedroom and the rec room in passable shape by Tuesday. I’m counting down the days until Leslie returns…because I just don’t think I can get this house in order without a ton of help, especially when I spend the day with a child (or two) attached to me.

I asked Mom tonight if she was glad to be home. She is…she says she loves the freedom of going from room to room during the day, and she is looking forward to taking a walk outside tomorrow. She is making plans to meet people for lunch in the coming weeks, and she is loving the time with the kids. Personally, I love having her home, too. I can see her every day and talk to her when I want. When she is sleeping or busy, I can do my own things. Best of all, I don’t have to drive to Baltimore and back every day.

This week, I am looking forward to a bit of freedom. I plan to leave and go out to take care of a few things I’ve been putting off. I’m looking forward to some “me” time, and I finally feel like I do not need to feel guilty trying to cram in time for everyone during the day. I also feel like I’m on a more normal schedule. It looks like I’m on track to get to bed around 2:00 am for the second night in a row! I think it will take us some time to fully settle into our routine, get unpacked, and lay new ground rules for living together.

Thanks for your good wishes! We are doing well. I’m uncomfortable posting our home address on this web site, but feel free to call or email me and I will happily send it to friends and family. The phones should be working again…but we are dealing with Verizon, so it could all go haywire again. We would love visitors, but we do ask that you call ahead of time so that we can coordinate a good time (and avoid having too many visitors at once).

Free at last….

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Mom is home. After almost 11 weeks (76 days), she is finally home. It isn’t the home she left…it is in a new house, with different furniture, different decor, and suddenly more residents, but it is home.

Last night was a horrible night…between the move and the children, I was simply exhausted. I woke at 7:00 this morning because Maya was awake (my formerly “good” sleeper has become a terrible sleeper…either she has my genes, or it is just a phase). At 8:00, our mover showed up to find out that our phone lines were not working properly…and my babysitter, Christin, canceled on us. My father showed up at 10:00, and he and Elliot left to go pick up Mom at 10:30. I stayed behind to try and deal with some unpacking…but got worried when I realized that I was all by myself with two children for the day.

Luckily, “fate” intervened…my friend Laurie called and asked if she could come by to help for an hour or so (and bring bagels). I was excited for the extra help, so I gave her our address. I then checked email…and realized that our organizer, Leslie, was able to come by as well to help with unpacking. I could have started to dance a jig I was so excited! Both of them arrived around 11:30, bearing flowers for my Mom. Leslie did an amazing job combining them all into a vase for display. With their help, we made a lot of progress. We emptied all of the boxes in the kitchen, and then Laurie had to leave.

Leslie stayed behind and started to impose order on our kitchen…she put the pantry together, she started putting things into the cabinet, and she took charge of our linen closet. I took some time to vacuum in between chasing Micah around the house and cuddling Maya. I worked with Leslie on unpacking, and tried to keep Maya occupied so I could be useful.

I kept calling to check in at the hospital…Krystal arrived, they gave Mom a shower, they fed her lunch…and around 2:30 or so, they finally left the hospital. Micah had gone down for a nap (and slept for nearly 3 hours!!), but Maya would not sleep all day. I was in an utter panic…especially since our mover called a few minutes later to tell us that they were coming by with the last load of things.

Krystal arrived at the house first. It was great to see her again, and I gave her a quick tour of the house. She said the ride down was much easier than she expected, so I was relieved. Krystal has been such a help to us, and I hope that she will continue to work with Mom for a long time.

Naturally, they were unloading the truck when my mother arrived. Huge boxes were scattered all over the kitchen (where they remain) and the downstairs became a dumping ground. We had to quickly shove things out of the way so my mother could come in the kitchen. We had to experiment a bit with the ramps, but we got her inside. I finally got a look at my mom’s snazzy new wheelchair – it looks great! It is far more comfortable for her, fits her well, and is a bright green color (toxic green, to be exact). It arrived today, and it is far easier for my mother to use.



Mom seemed thrilled to be home. She was smiling, said the house was great, and she moved onto the couch to sit and relax a bit. It was already late, and Micah was definitely grumpy when he woke up from his nap. We put on some Elmo, and all was right in his world again.



We were doing our best to get situated. Leslie left around 5:00 today…we still have a lot more to do around here before I will feel settled, but I just did not have the energy to do another second of unpacking after my mother came home.

My father ran to the store to get some “necessities” like Breyer’s Chocolate Ice Cream and prune juice. While my father was out, we decided on Chinese food for dinner. Dad ran to pick it up, and we had a lovely feast! We all sat down together, talked, laughed, and it was such a great way to spend the night…at home, all together. After dinner, my mom sat with the kids for a little while before bed time. We got on track with her medicines, and I gave her the shots. I have to say, fertility treatments were GREAT training for this…my injections used the exact same pen I had to use, so it was quite familiar for me.

At 8:30, my mom decided to head back to her room and get into her pajamas. Krystal helped her out, the kids said goodnight (Micah even signed “I love you”) and we started to put the kids to bed. Mom napped for almost 2 hours. Micah went to sleep easily, but Maya has not wanted to lay down at all.

Mom woke at 10:15, so we gave her medication for the evening. Krystal left at 10:45, and will be back again in the morning. We are slowly making a list of things we need to purchase, but I think our first day went quite well. It is wonderful to finally have Mom home again. While so many things will be trying about our living arrangement, I think the best thing will be all the time my children will get to spend with their grandparents.

I sure hope that we can get everything unloaded over the next few days. For now, the living room, the dining room, the kids’ bedrooms, and my parents’ bedrooms are functional.

It is now 1:00 am…and Maya is sleeping on Elliot (but she cries every time he tries to put her down). I think I am going to try taking her into bed with me and calling it a night. I have some video of them leaving Hopkins, but I just don’t have the energy to post that tonight.

Thanks for checking on us! We are open for visitors, as long as you can forgive the disorder. Just focus on the living room…it looks great. You can definitely reach us by cell, and the home phone *might* be cooperating. My cell phone is not working properly – I can text, but I cannot use it for talking right now. We would love to have visitors this weekend, so feel free to call and come by!

Disastrous Move

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Today’s move…well, it was an unmitigated disaster. Suffice it to say that we are still not finished…I don’t even think half of the house was moved. I’m so exhausted, frustrated and angry about it that I cannot see straight.

The good news from the day…we worked out the commode issue with the hospital staff. It was one particular nurse who did not want to deal with it, but after I spoke to him at 3:30 am…I think he realized his attitude was a problem. Mom is definitely coming home on Friday. She seems to be doing well, but they have not identified the cause of her nausea/dizziness.

Our mover arrived late this morning…no real shock, since he is usually late, but I had asked him to be careful about time because I wanted everything finished by 7:00 for the children. He said “no problem.” He arrived at my parents’ house at 9:30 to pick up a few things, and then they headed straight for the rental house to unload. They were out of the house at 10:30, so I expected to see them at 10:45! We waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. It was 12:15 before they arrived at our Bethesda house. I was quite unhappy, but he assured me they would have everything finished.

I again reiterated the importance of being done tonight and early because of the children. By 1:30, they had the first load packed up, and we headed back to the rental house. The lead guy said he had to run a quick errand and he would meet us there. Unfortunately, that was the last time I saw him until after 7:00 pm, and the move went terribly wrong in his absence.

The guys unloaded the truck fairly quickly, and I did my best to quickly unpack as many boxes as possible. They were ready to head back to the house at 2:45. On our way back, they decided to stop for food. I made it home by 3:15, but did not see them again until after 4:00. Over the next 2 1/2 hours, things quickly deteriorated. I sent Micah up to the new house with Megan, and I realized they would never get everything finished.

They were packing up all the things I had asked to be left behind. I had spent HOURS sorting through hand-me downs and give aways, separating the clothes, and sorting maternity clothes for a friend who was pregnant…and they dumped everything together in one big box and put it on the truck! I was LIVID. They kept apologizing, but I was outraged at all the wasted time…both for them and for me.

All I know is that it took them 2 1/2 hours to pack up Micah’s room and our closet…one small closet, one big closet, and his furniture. I cannot for the life of me understand what took so long. It took them less than an hour to pack up twice as much stuff the first time around. In the midst of all of this, I was handling some other problems…mom’s equipment delivery. The hospital bed arrived…without the air mattress. The wrong commode was delivered, and the lift was incorrect. The other equipment was missing. We spoke to the social worker, and supposedly this will all be corrected in the morning. We’ll see – I don’t have a lot of faith in anyone getting these types of things right. We also learned that they were going to release her tomorrow, but later than we had hoped. There was a problem with her medicine prescriptions (thanks to Heather for telling me to check!) but we got that corrected.

At 6:30, they were ready to head back to the rental house. I was inside the Bethesda house, trying to nurse Maya, figure out what things I needed to take and how to get them in the car with the baby. I was overwhelmed. I sat in the house trying to gather myself for the next 20 minutes. I spoke to my parents and to Elliot, and I was so upset that it was so late and we were nowhere near finished. When I finally gathered myself, I realized that the guys had not even left with our stuff! They were still parked in the driveway. I yelled at them, went back inside to start pulling my things together, and then I left. I arrived at the new house around 7:00…and the truck was nowhere to be seen. It was nearly 8:00 before they arrived.

They quickly unloaded and left again, this time with Elliot to monitor the packing up at the house. Elliot also needed to head out to Gaithersburg to go pick up the ramps for our house, too. Since he was gone, I had to deal with putting two cranky children to bed. I went to Micah’s room, and I realized I had to unpack it first! I emptied 6 boxes while he watched Sesame Street. I made his bed, I hunted down his pajamas and medication, and I tried to make things perfect for him. Unfortunately, there was no way for Elliot to be back to put him to bed…and Micah much prefers Daddy at bedtime most nights.

My father showed up and kept Maya busy while I got Micah ready. He wailed and cried and hollered and screamed. I had to decide whether to let him stay up with me and wait for Elliot, or see if he could cry it out. I opted for crying it out…I hope it wasn’t too traumatic for him. He cried for about 45 minutes, on and off. Every time I thought he was quiet, he started again. A few times, I let him know I was here, but I thought that going back in to his room would just make it worse. My father left to go home sometime around 9:30 or 10, and Micah finally crashed. The baby intermittently slept and woke, too. Elliot got home around 12, and he still had to unload the car. I heard him setting up ramps, but I was asleep on the couch for a few hours, only waking to nurse and cuddle the baby a few times.

The movers never returned again last night. I have no idea if they finished packing up the house, or when/if they’ll show up with our things. We need our food and dishes, our offices, and our carpets. There is still an entertainment stand, 2 couches, an ottoman, and a glass table that need to come over, two more bathrooms that needed to be packed up, the kitchen, and we have to drive out to Germantown at some point to pick up a dining room table. I have a feeling a ton of stuff we were leaving behind is going to show up here, and somehow, the “important” things will be left behind.

I spoke to my mom a number of times today – she sounded better as the day continued. I know that Diane and Joey stopped by to visit, by I have no idea if she had any other visitors. I was a little caught up in the drama here.

All I know is that tomorrow I’m going to be racing against the clock by myself trying to unpack and put everything away here. I think Christin, our Friday babysitter, will be here to help with the children. My father and Elliot will have to go without me to go pick up my mother – I just don’t see how this house will be ready if I go, too. I’m frustrated – I wanted to be there to talk to the doctors, make sure everything was set correctly and say goodbye to everyone. I have a feeling a bunch of things will be a mess at check-out because I’m here. I am hoping that the health care company will drop off the rest of Mom’s equipment, and I’m hoping that the mover will show up with the rest of our stuff.

The only other good news today? Verizon delivered services as promised. We have working television, internet and phone service at the house. Elliot and I were able to port our home number to the rental house, so our contact information remains the same. My cell phone, however, is on the fritz…I cannot answer any calls right now. So, call me at home for now! I’m going to try to get back to sleep. My allergies are killing me…moving is not good for dust. We need to do a lot more cleaning in this house, too, but hopefully we can make it manageable for Mom by tomorrow.