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Maternity & Parenting Center

More Disappointment

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Once again, I thought I was in full-blown labor last night. I had been having more contractions and cramping all day since my appointment yesterday, and around midnight the cramping/pain in my back worsened. I decided to head upstairs and try and get comfortable in bed. Elliot & I watched some tv together, and around 2:00 I drifted off to sleep. At 3:00 am, the contractions woke me up. By 3:30, I was so uncomfortable that I woke Elliot up and begged him to rub my back. He also ran downstairs and got me my ipod so I could listen to my relaxation tapes. I was tossing and turning, and just miserable. At 4:00, I decided to try the bathtub. By the way, the Jacuzzi is my friend – for the first time, it actually worked while I was having contractions! I climbed in the tub, and I spent about 45 minutes or so pruning up. The contractions stayed regular and intense the entire time, but I was able to relax into the process. I decided to shower after the bath, and I dried my hair. At this point, it was after 5:00 am. I went back to bed, and tried to relax and stay comfortable. By 6:00, it was pretty clear that the contractions were not letting up, and sleep didn’t seem like an option. Elliot & I debated whether we should go to the hospital or call the midwives. I decided to wait because I’d been through this before, and it turned out to be nothing.

Unfortunately, I was right. After 7:15, I was able to doze off a bit. The contractions have still been going, but they did lessen in intensity a bit. Our biggest concern is that I won’t actually know when I’m in labor, and that we won’t be able to get to the hospital in time.

We woke this morning to deal with Verizon and Vonage – because AGAIN, they screwed up my phone service. It is amazing how easily these companies get it wrong, blame each other, and then claim to be unable to resolve the problem. Thanks to Elliot, we were dealing with the executive offices for both companies. After spending the past five hours fighting with them, we finally have the phone service issues resolved. I’ve been SOOO frustrated that I’ve been missing all my doctors’ calls today.

So, here I sit . . . contracting, uncomfortable, and unsure what to do. I’m SOOO ready to have this baby, but just don’t know if I should rush him out or hang in there. This part is miserable, and I just don’t know how much longer I can do this.

Awww Moment

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So Elliot is leaving town tonight to go on a business trip, and I asked him to clean up his stuff in the bedroom before he left since the cleaning people are coming tomorrow. For the first time (perhaps EVER) he isn’t just hiding the mess and shoving everything into his drawers – he actually is sorting/organizing/putting things away! In doing all this, he stumbled across some notes I hid in his suitcases when he went down to Mississippi for a month to help post-Katrina. When I was little and went away to camp, my mom used to hide little notes in my suitcase/dresser drawers so that all summer long I’d find cute little notes that made me smile and remember someone cared about me. Elliot & I hadn’t been together all that long when he left, but I decided to do the same for him. Before I could second guess my decision or whether he would think it was stupid, I dashed off some notes (just little things like “hello” and “kisses from me & Nugget” and “we miss you” or “thinking of you”) and stuffed them in his folded clothes in his suitcase. Anyway, he saved a bunch of them, and he brought them down to show me today when he found them. I think it is so sweet that he saved all those notes. It kind of made me want to say “Awwww.”

On Monday night, we had our final birth class! Now we just have to keep practicing what we’ve learned and hope it helps on baby’s birth day. Yesterday was our midwife appointment – everything is progressing well (I measured 33 cms, so right on target) and the baby’s heartbeat was perfect. We asked a bunch of questions about labor and delivery stuff, and we are feeling good about everything. On Friday we go in for our ultrasound to see how things are looking. From this point on, we will be doing weekly appointments and ultrasounds.

I suck at hypnobirthing

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We started our first hypnobirthing class on Thursday. I have been quite excited about this, and looking forward to learning these techniques. As I mentioned, we learned 2 breathing techniques (simple enough) and we were given homework: practice each breathing technique for 2 minutes when we wake up and before we go to sleep, and listen to the relaxation CD for 10 minutes a day. Seems easy, right? I’ve been doing my breathing, and I’m getting more comfortable with it. I have even put on the relaxation CD every day so far (3 days in a row). There enlies my problem. I thought I was great at relaxing . . . I mean, I can be one of the laziest people around! I am quite content to sit and veg out for hours at a time without moving around or doing anything else. I love getting massages and spa treatments and relaxing that way. Self-hypnosis/relaxation CDs should be the same thing, right?

The first night I put it on, I could not seem to sit there and participate. So I listened to it . . . and got up and did some cleaning while it was playing, and ripped the tracks to iTunes so I could transfer it to my ipod. Not the right idea, huh? I told myself I was just feeling the CD out and preparing for better usage.

Last night, I thought I would set myself up for success. I brought the ipod upstairs, hooked it up to my stereo, got in bed with Elliot & Nugget around 1:30 or 2:00 am with all the lights off, tv off, and figured deep relaxation just prior to bed was ideal! I put on the CD, and in about 5 minutes . . . Elliot was out cold, and I think the dog was totally unconscious as well. Me, on the otherhand . . . . I was WOUND. My leg was itching, my heart was racing (perhaps from the Terbutaline), I felt like I was having trouble taking deep breaths, and all I could think about was how thirsty I was. So, I drank some water. Then I needed to go to the bathroom. Then I came back to the CD, and my eye was itching, so I had to get up to put eye drops in. I restarted the CD, and tried again. Still fidgety, and kept changing positions, and was really distracted by my racing heart. I could hear a heart beating in my ear (probably my own, but I decided to think it was the baby) but it was so loud it was hurting my ear drum. I spent all 30 minutes listening to the CD, and thinking about the things it said, and doing my best to relax. I do think I may have finally gotten relaxed the last 5-10 minutes, and when the CD ended I heard it, and I drifted slowly off to sleep shortly thereafter.

Today I made another attempt with the CD. I thought perhaps the problem was that I did the CD before bed, and I get fidgety late at night and at bedtime. So, this afternoon, I was bored. I’m really not supposed to go running all over doing errands, and I don’t feel like packing . . . or doing my work . . . or finishing my other projects. I thought maybe it would help me relax and pass the afternoon if I tried the relaxation CD again. I did a few stretches, did the deep breathing to relax, stretched out on the couch, and started to play the CD from my computer (don’t you love iTunes?). Immediately, I couldn’t sit still. My leg started to itch again, and suddenly I had to sneeze, and once again, I was desperately thirsty. My heart was still racing (I’m going to blame the Terbutaline again for that) and I could hear the heartbeat sound in my ear again. Nevertheless, I persisted. The CD started talking about different colors, and next thing you know, I’m thinking about running to the store to buy yarn. I open my eyes to look around, and I see that Nugget is curled up by the computer, unconscious and drooling. Apparently, the CD really works great . . . . I’ve never seen her more relaxed and totally unconscious!! I try to bring my focus back to the CD, and my hip is hurting. Thankfully, the phone rang and I threw in the towel on the CD. Nugget is still out cold . . . . I wonder if I need to gently rouse her so she doesn’t stay in this state all day.

So . . . now what? Please tell me that each time I practice I will get better at relaxing? I really want to learn how to do this, but apparently, I suck at relaxing. Elliot and Nugget, on the other hand, have already mastered the technique. Clearly, I should have let Nugget have puppies – she is quite skilled at this hypnobirthing thing. If only she was a good teacher.

Big Step Today

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At my last appointment, the midwife “yelled” at us for not enrolling in a birthing class yet. For as ready as I am to be a mommy and to meet this little guy, I guess I am completely avoiding thinking about the birth part of this process. We haven’t even picked out furniture, or decided on a name, or chosen the bedding, or started a registry, how can it possibly be time to think about birthing!?! I keep thinking there is so much time for everything later.

For me, I guess the biggest part of thinking about the birthing process is my anxiety over needles. Okay – I’ll be honest – it isn’t just a general anxiety about needles. Yes, I’ll admit it – my name is Jessica, and I have a doctor-certified phobia of needles. My doctors had given me a referral to a psychiatrist months ago to deal with this . . . and I’ve been sitting on the referral.

At our last appointment, we discussed birthing classes. I am planning to try a natural child birth (prompted in large part by my overwhelming phobia of needles – I’d rather feel every contraction and rip than have a needle stuck in my back ANY day). I’m guessing that if I have to have a c-section, they will likely have to knock me unconscious, because I can’t imagine how they will get a needle in my back to keep me lucid during a c-section. After our discussion, the midwife recommended that we try a hypnobirthing class. Yes, I agree – it does sound a tad bit “new-age” and crazy to me. I think that is why I’ve been delaying the process of signing up. The midwife thought it would give me techniques for coping and self-relaxation that would allow me more control over my emotions and my response to any needles that will be used during child birth. The concept of control is appealing to me . . . but part of me thinks I’m too practical and logical for something as “silly” as hypnosis to ever work.

Elliot and I had a long discussion the other night and decided that this is the right choice for us, and we are now committed and trying to get excited about hypnobirthing. Now, if I could just stop chuckling every time I say “hypnobirthing” that would be a vast improvement! I contacted 2 locations, and we have to decide which place we will be taking our class. I plan to sign us up this week.

After tackling the birthing class issue, I realized that part of my aversion to picking a class had a lot to do with my needle phobia. I have been informed (although I am currently choosing not to believe) that I will have to be on IV antibiotics during labor because I am a Strep B carrier. This Strep B issue has thrown a kink in my needle-free birth plan, and has me incredibly anxious. Let’s just say I cannot imagine how any anesthesiologist is going to get a needle in me to give me antibiotics I don’t particularly want without getting a black eye and possibly losing a few teeth. And that is the best case scenario – I’ve been known to take out a room full of nurses and doctors who coming bearing needles.

Once this obvious connection dawned on me, I decided to take charge of my phobia and call the doctor. Naturally, the doctor was not in, and I left a message. About one hour later, the office manager returned my call. It only took about 3 minutes on the phone with her before I was filled with anxiety and practically in tears. I asked about phobia treatments, and after hearing the long spiel about the costs for treatment, they don’t participate with insurance, we have to pay out of pocket, blah blah blah . . . she informs me they plan to treat my needle phobia by bringing me into the office and repeatedly stabbing me with needles until I get over it. Okay, perhaps I am over-simplifying the process a bit, but that was the gist of it. I informed the office manager that I did not think that approach would work for me, and I politely thanked her for her time and hung up the phone.

At this point, my anxiety hit a new peak as the realization dawned on me that I will be going into labor and needing an IV with this phobia looming over me, and no coping mechanisms to help improve the experience for me. About one hour later, the doctor from the phobia center called back to try and convince me that the needle stabbing process would, in fact, benefit me. I just know that nothing she said offered me any comfort. Her philosophy was basically that exposure to the needles would make me see I’m being ridiculous, and I would magically get over my fears when I realize the needles won’t kill me. I would not say this doctor conveyed a warm fuzzy feeling. In fact, her thick German accent created visions of a masculine-looking German frau dressed in Nazi garb strapping me to a table and repeatedly (and sadistically) stabbing me with needles and hooking me up to IVs as her wicked and maniacal laughter reverberates around the darkened room. Not that I have a vivid imagination.

While I sat here hyperventilating, I went back and looked at one of the hypnobirthing web sites . . . and realized that one of the locations is a full hypnosis center! I put in a call and left a message about hypnosis and phobias. About one hour ago, the doctor called me back to discuss treatment of phobias. I explained my situation . . . and she seemed sympathetic. She did not laugh, nor did she tell me she would stab me with needles until I got over it. She asked if I knew the root of the problem, and I shared my story with her (short version – bad allergic reaction to an immunization as a child, followed up 6 years later with a bad IV that damaged a nerve in my hand). She talked a lot about emotional energy, and how negative emotions can sometimes override the body’s internal logic and control functions. She made me feel that it was possible to take control of my emotions, and release them in a way that would let my logical brain dominate over my fear. I am still not sure if I believe in hypnosis, but on Friday I am going in for my first session to give it a try! I think even if it gives me the confidence to face this, or a few coping techniques, it will be well worth the money and effort.