Eat-Sleep-Love | Maryland DC & Virginia Sleep Coach, Baby Planner, Maternity & Child Consultant

Maternity & Parenting Center

A Note to Expectant Mothers

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Tonight was my first speaking engagement with a room full of expectant mothers. I spoke at a “Meet the Experts” event for Mama’s Link, held at Kidville.  I have to say, it was tougher than I thought it would be!  How do you boil down the key concepts of the first six months of sleep for expectant mothers without overwhelming them with information?  After reflecting on the evening, here is my take-away…my list of “top tips” for new moms:

  • Sleep is a learned skill – but it is learned over time.  Ultimately, your child should learn to put him/herself to sleep without a “sleep crutch” – a negative sleep association that requires something to be done either to or for them to fall asleep.
  • You can’t spoil a newborn…it is all about responding to their needs and making them feel loved and secure.
  • Consistency matters…work on developing flexible but predictable routines around eat and sleep for your child over the early weeks and months.
  • Before your baby arrives, talk to your spouse/significant other about your sleep plan – do you want your baby co-sleeping in your bedroom?  For how long?  Do you want to share a bed with your child?  for how long?  Any option can work for your family, but if you become an “accidental” bed-sharer, you (or your spouse/significant other) may grow to resent your baby’s presence in the bed.
  • The first night or two, babies often seem “perfect” – they sleep all night, and just wake to feed.  The 3rd  or 4th nights can be a different story…and often coincides with coming home from the hospital!  Don’t worry – it is likely just a short-lived case of the baby fussies, and once you and your baby get to know each other better (and your baby’s natural clock kicks in), nighttime should become easier again.
  • Moms also need to make sure to take care of themselves…sleep when baby sleeps, eat, and make time for just YOU – even if you just escapes for a brief period here and there. If you are a stay at home mom, you have to remember that even though you’ve taken on the job of raising your child, that does not mean you are not entitled to some time for you!
  • Practice Dr. Harvey Karp’s 5 S’s to help soothe your baby when upset…swaddling, stomach/side hold, shushing, swinging, and sucking.
  • Back is best (for SIDs prevention).  Because babies do not sleep as deeply on their backs (startle reflex), swaddling babies helps promote good sleep habits.
  • Don’t be afraid to try a variety of tools to help you calm and soothe your baby to sleep during the early weeks…a bouncy seat, strange voices, a quiet song, a swing. Sometimes, your baby will hate a tool the first time or two, but could grow to love it later. The lesson is to try, try again…you never know when s/he may start to love something new!
  • Take steps to help your baby differentiate between night and day.  During daytime hours, expose your baby to lots of natural light and room lights.  At nighttime, prepare a quiet, dark environment for your baby.  Limit exposure to television at nighttime, and consider getting room darkening shades to help keep the light out.  Treat nighttime feedings/wakings in a “business-like” manner – keep it quiet, dark, and about the feeding, not playtime.  Children need morning rituals to help differentiate between nighttime and daytime (a good morning song, opening the blinds, etc.)
  • Right around 4 weeks of age, babies start to “wake-up” during the day – this is when it becomes important that they do not become over-tired.  Most babies should not be awake longer than 60-90 minutes for the first few months.  It is a good idea to watch the clock and start putting your newborn down to sleep (in their crib, in a swing, in your arms, in a car seat, in a stroller…whatever works!) within 90 minutes after each waking all day.  This process will help lay the foundation for excellent sleep habits as your baby grows.
  • If you are nursing, look for other ways to soothe your child other than nursing, especially after the first 6 weeks.  This will help your baby learn to find comfort in many different ways, and not depend upon nursing to soothe him/her and go to sleep.
  • By 6 weeks, start working on putting your baby to sleep drowsy but awake – falling asleep without a bottle or breast in their mouth.
  • Newborns prefer a later bedtime…once your baby starts to get older and sleep at least 8 hours at night, (by 4-5 months of age) bedtime should move earlier.
  • Don’t expect to see a regular nap routine for your child until they are older – many babies do not consolidate into three regular naps a day until they are 6-8 months old!  Until then, just watch those awake windows and sleepy cues from your children. 
  • You will sleep again!  Newborns generally wake every 2-3 hours around the clock to eat the first few weeks of life, but many newborns begin to give 3-4 hour stretches between weeks 2-4.  By week 8, most babies can go at least 1 4-6 hour stretch without feeding at night (and some will go longer).  By week 12, most babies can do a 6-8 hour stretch at night without eating.  By 4 months, most babies can sleep 8 hours without eating, and 10-11 hours by 5 months.  
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your baby just will not sleep!  Before you throw in the towel and think “my baby just doesn’t need as much sleep as other babies” or “perhaps if I did quit breast feeding and just gave him/her formula”…consider whether there are medical causes for your baby’s sleep challenges.  There are many medical reasons that can cause your baby to be awake and unhappy.  Reflux is one key culprit.  In the past, many doctors diagnosed unhappy babies who cried inconsolably for long periods of time with “colic.”  Newer information is actually showing that these babies may be suffering from reflux.  Reflux can present in many different ways.  Some babies spit up all the time, and some babies will scream inconsolably for hours and hours at a time, particularly at nighttime or after prolonged periods of laying flat.  Some babies simply refuse to lay flat!  Other symptoms include:  excessive hiccuping, choking/gasping/gagging sounds, frequent night wakings, constant congestion, gassiness, or desire to continuously nurse or eat (the milk is soothing and neutralizes the acid).  If you suspect reflux, talk to your pediatrician!  You can try simple tips such as feeding your baby in a more upright position, keeping him/her upright for 15-30 minutes following a feed, feed smaller amounts more often, burp frequently, and elevate your baby’s head when sleeping (like on a bouncy seat or a newborn napper).  Your pediatrician may suggest trying an over the counter medication or a prescription medication to see if your baby’s reflux improves.  Other common medical causes for sleep disturbances during the first six months may include food sensitivities, poor latch, gassiness due to bottle, and sickness.  
Another key issue for new moms is post partum depression (PPD).  Nearly all moms suffer from a bit of the baby blues, but if it is overwhelming or continuing for longer than two weeks, you may be suffering from PPD.  If you are emotionally unavailable, your baby can sense that – it can be harder to soothe your baby and meet his/her needs when you are overwhelmed and struggling, and all of that can play a part in whether your baby is sleeping.  Familiarize yourself (and your partner) with the signs and symptoms of PPD, and do not be afraid to ask for help!  There are many remedies, both natural and medical, that can quickly help you feel like yourself again.  For more information about PPD, check out Dr. Shosh.

Finally, balance and meeting your needs, both sleep and otherwise, are critical in the early weeks.  Many expectant parents wonder how they will function with so little sleep.  The truth is, you just do it.  You try to sleep when your baby is sleeping, you forgive yourself when you fail to keep a clean house, and you remember to eat and take care of you.  Having strong family support and a good partner throughout the process makes it easier and better.  

Those early weeks with your baby are primarily about bonding…your newborn will wake to eat every 2-3 hours. For some parents, feeding is quick and easy, but other parents find feedings take a very long time. It isn’t just the feeding (although some babies are very slow nursers – they can easily nurse 30-45 minutes each feeding). Some breastfeeding moms struggle with getting their baby to latch and stay latched – and the overnight feedings can be particularly frustrating. Most feedings involve a diaper change, and for moms who have to pump, the process of getting up, preparing the pump, pumping milk, and then actually feeding a baby can also take way too long – in fact, it can seem like all you do is feed your baby.   If you are formula feeding, it is easy to share that responsibility, but it can be tougher for the breastfeeding mom to figure out how to share that load. It takes at least 2-4 weeks to establish a healthy milk supply, and nursing moms really should try and nurse or pump every 3 hours around the clock until supply is established (which means a nursing mom really can struggle to get a break and sleep through a feeding). Even if you are nursing, you can still share the responsibility for the overnight wakings with your spouse/significant other. Your spouse/significant other can wake up/fetch the baby, do the diaper change after feeding, re-swaddle, and soothe your baby to sleep after the feed. If you are pumping, your partner can feed baby the breast milk when you are finished.  But remember, if you are just exhausted and need a break, it really is okay to take it.  
So, for all you expectant moms out there, know that good sleep habits do not happen immediately, but they are slowly shaped and developed over time.  There are many steps you can take during the first six months to help get your newborn off to a “right start.”  Check out my services page…I offer a newborn “Right Start” consultation to help expectant and new moms work on creating flexible eating and sleep routines and developing skills to build the foundation for a lifetime of healthy sleep habits!

Hunger Strike

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Apparently, Micah is on a hunger strike. I’m still trying to discern the exact political message he is trying to communicate, but for now, all I know is that he will not eat. He is refusing to nurse, he is refusing the bottle (with both breast milk and formula), and he is refusing the sippy cup. He is even being difficult about eating his meals. I called the doctor, and the nurse told me he must be sick. I explained that he was not sick, but she did not seem to believe me. Then she told me I should bring him in for a weight check to see if he had gained enough weight in the past 2 months. Again, I explained to her that I was certain he had put on at least 2 lbs in the past 2 months, so a weight check would not tell us anything about the past week.

This morning, Micah did nurse a little bit. I called the doctor again, but this time, I was able to speak directly to the doctor (our pediatrician’s office has the doctors answer the phone and take questions every morning from 8:30 – 9:00). She said that she would not worry about it as long as he gets some milk every day and continues to pee and poop. She said it could be a phase, it could be teething, or he could just not be needing as much milk right now. So, we’ll keep weighing Micah, hope he does not lose weight, and hope for the best!

In the meantime, if you learn about any international hunger strikes to stand up for a cause (maybe for those in Darfur?), let me know – I’d like to better understand my son’s political leanings.

Catching up

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Once again, I am WAY behind on updates. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind, and I just cannot seem to find the time to blog. I guess I should pick back up with an update on my brother – he got out of the hospital on Friday, July 24, and immediately drove out of town to go to a Dave Matthews Band concert in Hershey. Paige and Peyton came to stay at my parents’ house, and we had a great time. On Friday, we took the girls to a singing story hour and playspace time at Kidville. Kidville is this wonderful play and learning place for children. They offer all kinds of music, gym, education, art and language development classes. All summer, they have been sponsoring free story times and playspace events (almost every week), and Little Maestro Concert, pizza and playspace events. Micah loves going (we are enrolled in a class there this Fall), and it seemed like a perefect thing for Paige and Peyton. They had such a good time!

Saturday was a day at the pool – another fun day with the girls. They pushed Micah around in his floaty, played with toys, and it was a wonderful afternoon! I’m amazed by how much Micah is developing – he now prefers to “walk” around the pool in his floaty – feet on the ground and standing tall. Saturday night, Elliot and I went over to Niki and Eric’s house for dinner and hanging out. We picked up Indian food along they way. It was the first time in a few months we tried putting Micah to bed while we were out, and it was a smashing success! He fell asleep in their pack and play, transferred easily to his car seat, and did not wake up when we transferred him into the crib!

On Sunday, my cousin Trenna arrived with her 4 year old son Zander for a week-long visit. We all gathered at my parents’ house on Sunday afternoon/evening for dinner and catching up. Micah went to bed in the pack and play, and again transferred easily back home. On Monday, I did not get to spend any time with Trenna and Zander – they went downtown with my father to do a bit of sightseeing. Zander loves the movie Night at the Museum, so they spent the day visiting all the museums and following a map of movie highlights. My babysitter Christin was with us all day, and I tried to get some work done. I had mah jong on Monday night, so Trenna and I made plans to meet on Tuesday. She was hoping to take Zander to the zoo. They were predicting rain most of the week, so she decided to just take him down on the first clear day. Tuesday brought some oppressive heat, and I was totally stressed about work and worried about exposing Micah to the heat. I needed to give a webinar in the afternoon, and I did not think I could go out and get back in sufficient time to do my work. Unfortunately, I bailed on the trip to the zoo, so Trenna and Zander had to go alone. When they returned, Elliot made dinner for us. We ate together and Micah and Zander played. It was so sweet to see the boys hanging out together – Micah was totally enamored of his big cousin! While Trenna was here, I began working on my shoe cake for my friend Jamie’s birthday.

On Wednesday, we hosted playgroup at our house. I got a bit of work done in the early morning and in the afternoon, then went off to my parents’ house for dinner. Once again, Micah fell asleep in the pack and play and transferred without any difficulty. This new discovery has completely freed us! We now know we can go out a bit more at night and bring Micah along. When we got home Thursday night, I finished making the shoe for my cake.

Thursday, Micah went to Christin’s house for the day while I worked and decorated a cake. I got all dressed up and went out for dinner with my friends, and we had a blast! It was our first real girls’ night out without babies and husbands, and it was just a fun evening – lots of laughter, a little too much wine, and some good food.

On Friday, Trenna, Zander, Micah and I drove to see Jen, Jeremy and the girls in Baltimore. We went to a pirate story hour in Fells Point, then took a ferry ride across to Tide Point to visit my brother’s office and have lunch with him. We got back to our house just in time to attend a Little Maestros concert and playspace event at Kidville. Once again, Zander and Micah had a great time! Zander loved the music, so I bought him a CD so he could remember this trip. After the concert, we went for dinner at my parents’ house again, and spent the rest of the evening together.

Saturday was another pool day with the kids. It was a beautiful, fun, relaxing day. We went out for dinner at Noodles & Company, ran a few errands, then called it a night. I spent most of Sunday recuperating from my week.

Monday and Tuesday I was back to the grindstone with work. Christin was out of town, so her friend Lauren came to babysit Micah. She was great, and she will be available in the Fall to cover Tuesdays and Thursdays when Micah is not in daycare.

In the middle of all the insanity the past few weeks, we bought a new coffee table! It is just a basic one from Crate & Barrel, made of wood, two drawers and an open shelf on the bottom. Micah loves to try and crawl onto the shelf, and today he managed to pull the stack of papers off the shelf. He loves to use the shelf for pushing up – it might become his favorite hiding space in the very near future. We did have one emergency bath today – the babysitter was changing Micah’s diaper, and he had a double pee explosion, sans diaper. He needed a bath because he managed to pee all over his hair!

What else can I say? Micah turns 8 months old in 10 days!! He is growing every day by leaps and bounds. Sometimes, I think he is saying “hi.” He is definitely a crazy waving machine, and he even knows it means “hi.” Every time he sees someone new or a familiar face, he breaks into a big grin and starts waving like crazy. Micah uses his entire arm to wave – it kind of looks like he is trying to fly away. I really do need to catch some video of that this week! He is standing all the time now, and getting pretty close to pulling himself up. He is going to be all kinds of trouble as he grows. He definitely has a stubborn streak (wonder where he gets that from?), and he seems to grab and get into everything. He is now sticking his hand out of the crib and stealing stuff off the night table. I either need to clear the night table or move it. Changing his diaper is an exercise in dexterity – he is definitely a moving, rolling target. He loves to eat, and he now enjoys three big meals each day. He also gets a snack in the afternoons – he loves MumMums and cereal or puffs. He is just now starting to get the hang of picking up small pieces of food and putting them in his mouth. We’ve slowly started to try some chunkier food, and he has been handling it all well. He is slowly learning to play “So Big” and he is army crawling/rolling/pivoting all over the place. He is desperately trying to crawl. He likes to move from a sit to all fours, he usually does one crawl, and then he collapses to his belly.

We just started changing his closet over to the 6-9 months size. My little guy is finally outgrowing his 3-6 month clothing. I have a feeling we won’t be in these clothes too long – he’ll be ready to move up to 12 months within two months, I would guess.

As for weaning…well, that is not going quite as quickly as I expected (which is totally my fault). Micah is down to nursing about 4 times a day (sometimes 5). I no longer pump at night before bed, but frankly, giving him a bottle and pumping is much more hassle than nursing him when we are both at home. At this rate, I probably won’t really commit to weaning him until he is in daycare 3 days a week. I am hoping to be able to quickly drop the pumping session at that point, start using up my freezer stash of milk, then slowly switch over to formula. I’m not sure when/how I will drop the morning and night nursing sessions, but he needs to be willing to take the bottle for all of his meals by mid-September as I am going to be in Atlanta for work for 4 days, and I have decided to leave him behind with my parents (since Elliot will be attending the conference, too). I guess that week will be a good time to begin cutting back on the pumping.

As for my diet – well, let’s just say “what diet?” I fell off the wagon, and hard. I think I started to diet prematurely – it was causing issues with my milk supply, and while I was thrilled about that at first, Micah was quite unhappy and dissatisfied, and it made him grumpy and unwilling to take a bottle. I added some carbs back in to help the supply, and Micah finally seemed contented, and he is back to taking his bottle. But once the carbs started sneaking in, it was all downhill!
Okay – I’ll have to add some more descriptive pictures and video when I have some free time. I will do my best to stay on top of blogging this week!

Breastfeeding

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After all this time, I’m still breastfeeding Micah. As you know, I actually have not loved breastfeeding, but I continued to do it because I thought it was good for Micah and I was worried about my allergy to the infant formula. When I initially began breastfeeding, I hoped to make it to 3 months, and then if all went well, I would continue to 6 months (if it was convenient). I never really expected to make it this far, and I have to admit that I always thought women who breastfed beyond 6 months were crazy. So, why am I still breastfeeding? I have no idea.

Maybe it is because weaning Micah means he is officially a “big boy” and I’m not ready for that. Maybe it is because I fought so hard for this and Micah is doing so well that I am afraid to rock the boat by introducing formula. Maybe it is because I am afraid he will develop my allergy. Or maybe I’m just not ready to let go. I wish I knew, because I really, truly am sick of all the stuff that comes with breastfeeding – pumping, being tied down, worrying about supply, and frankly the responsibility.

I keep saying “next week” I am going to switch to exclusively bottle-feeding him breast milk during the day, and when my milk supply drops, I’ll start replacing with formula and I’ll cease pumping. My biggest challenge? I hate pumping, so I don’t feel like bottle feeding him and pumping when breast feeding is easier. I could start skipping a session and just give him formula, but I think I’m afraid if I skip a feeding time for a few days, my supply will completely dry up overnight. Part of me keeps waiting for a sign – the doctor to tell me he isn’t gaining weight fast enough, or for my supply to suddenly disappear or for Micah to refuse to nurse, but that hasn’t happened. So I keep going along and nursing him. Maybe when he is at 7 months, I’ll switch to bottle feeding him the frozen stash of breastmilk I have, and when that runs out, I’ll start giving him formula? We shall see.

Right now, things are going well. It seems that Micah has dropped from 6 nursing sessions to only 5 most days. Each time I think I’ve had enough, he makes it easier for me! We’ll see how much longer I hang in there.

Drivin’ & Pumpin’

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Yes, it is true . . . you can pump and drive. I know I should not admit that I have done this, but on Monday I felt as if I had no choice. I had a crazy day on Monday – running around in the morning and dropping Micah off at daycare for the first time, followed by my meeting downtown. I knew Micah’s next bottle was due sometime during my meeting, so I could not pump at that time (don’t you think pumping in a meeting would have been worse?). I also knew that by the time I got home, Micah would want to eat again within a short period of time. I was afraid of waiting too long after he had last eaten to pump because it could inadvertently take away some of his needed food. So, when I left my meeting around 4:20, I knew I was easily 45 minutes from home. I called Elliot – he was picking up Micah, and told me Micah had last eaten at 3:40. I thought it through for a few minutes, and decided that I needed to pump, immediately.

I could have just pumped in the car before driving home – that probably would have made the most sense. However, I was parked out on the street, so it wasn’t exactly a private location (yeah . . . and driving on the roads is MUCH more private). However, my meter was almost up, and the street parking rules on that block did not allow for parking after 4:30 pm, so I was concerned that a police officer would give me a hard time. I discretely put on my pumping bra, hooked up the pump, and put it on its battery-powered setting. I was smart in how I had dressed – I had on a blazer, so my sides were well covered, and I had on a sleeveless shirt underneath that I was able to pull down over the pumping attachments. So, nothing was showing and I was hands-free. After considering my options another moment . . . I put the car into gear, and hit the road. The first 15 minutes of the trip, I was all hooked up and pumping. At one of the lights, I turned off the pump after my time was up. It was pretty uncomfortable to be hooked up, and I was paranoid that people would look at the car window and wonder about the strange shapes causing my shirt to protrude. I also became panicked that the cups would fall off and all that precious milk would spill in the car. So, at each of the lights, I slowly worked at unhooking the pump, combining the bottles, and capping the milk. I was quite impressed with my abilities!

So . . . note to self . . . it is definitely safe to pump and drive.

Poll results and more about us!

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Well, after my mother shamed me for failing to post an update since MONDAY, I am doing my best to come up with something interesting to post. Elliot & I are sitting here, watching the end of an era on tv (the last episode of ER) while we listen to the beginning of a new era on the video monitor (Micah). Tonight, our tv is accompanied by the enjoyable sounds of The Beatles – the lullaby version. We have been playing music for Micah while he sleeps, and the sounds echo throughout the house over the monitor.

So, let me begin with the results of the poll from my last thread . . . overwhelmingly, most of you voted to cut his hair! We are still ambivalent. It is Jewish tradition to wait at least 1 year to cut a baby’s hair. Some even wait 3 years before a first hair cut. Can you imagine if we waited 3 years? Micah’s hair would probably be down to his cute little tush! We keep hoping his hair starts to curl up. If it was curly, we could definitely wait longer.

I have a hair appointment set up for me in 2 weeks. I have known my hairdresser, Willy, since I was 7 or 8 years old. Back then, Willy was training to cut hair, and she was the hair washer at the place where I got my haircut. She washed my hair for years, then eventually started cutting it. I won’t let anyone else touch my hair. The 2 times I did, it was a disaster. I’m hoping she’ll offer to give Micah his first haircut – I think she’d love to have that honor. So, we’ll see if we cut his hair in 2 weeks, or if I postpone it a bit longer.

Micah is doing really well. I think *fingers crossed* we are back on schedule with him. I believe we identified the source of the bedtime screaming issues – HUNGER. He must have been going through a growth spurt. With all the traveling, I think I must have missed the milk supply increase, so we are a bit behind the eight ball, so to speak. The past few nights, we’ve been increasing his food intake by giving him a bottle supplement of pumped breast milk before bed. This eliminated the screaming and bed time became easier. Yesterday, however, was a really rough day. I seemed to “run out” of milk mid-day. We had to give a bunch of bottle supplements, and I was worried about my supply. Luckily, the bottle supplements did the trick, and bedtime went smoothly. Today, I spent the day feeding him on schedule and pumping after each feeding session to try and increase my supply. It seems to have worked, and Micah was ready for bed by 8:00, happy as usual. I nursed him then topped him off with a bottle, and placed him in his crib. We had a few runs upstairs to pop in his paci (he gets restless and squeaks when his paci falls out before he is sound asleep), and then off to lala land he drifted.

Since I am on the subject of Micah sleeping, I will say he is pretty amazing. He moves ALL around the crib while he sleeps. About ten minutes ago, he had managed to turn 90 degrees . . . and now he is back to his vertical position. I am also amazed at how restless he gets. As Elliot says, he is more mobile asleep than awake. Sometimes he gets quite vocal and noisy, and I think he is awake. When I go running in to check on him, I realize he is sound asleep and desperately trying to gnaw his fist off. It is a good thing he doesn’t have any teeth yet. Some babies find their hands/fists comforting, but I have noticed that while Micah will suck on his hands, he never seems to be soothed by that. I carefully remove his fist and replace it with a paci, and it is magic! Micah instantly stops moving and fussing and sort of melts into a still, deep sleep. Who knew a pacifier could be such a wonderful thing!

In other news, we’ve been dealing with ants in the kitchen and our master bathroom. I HATE ants! We called an exterminator (Trey, who lived across the street from me when I was growing up) and he came today. Apparently, we have a special kind of ant (fragrant ants?) and they are living under the front porch. Ironically, these are the same ants at my parents’ house . . . coincidence? YOU decide! He sprayed all over outside, and so far, the ants seem to be gone. We may need to spray a few more times to keep them at bay, but for now, all is much improved.

I’ve been running around crazed all week – business meetings, classes with Micah, work to do, trying to find childcare, and meeting with contractors to discuss whether we should put a small addition on the house to give me an office. Micah’s Goppy (my dad) babysat Micah on his own for the first time for a few hours on Tuesday while Elliot and I were at meetings! It was quite a success, and perhaps we’ll be able to take advantage of Goppy’s babysitting services again. At one of our classes this week, we went to a pottery place (All Fired Up), and we decorated a tile with Micah’s name on it and his footprints. I will post a picture when I get it back next week. I can barely see straight this week! I wish I had our child care situation worked out – I’m still nervous about what we will be doing and how to proceed. I really need to have more time available and get more work done.

I don’t have any new pictures to post today. My “little” man is now 12 lbs! He is growing rapidly, and I’m afraid to admit that the arms and legs on his size 0-3 month clothes may be getting a bit short. I think it may be time to move him into the next size, and we are probably just another week or two away from size 2 diapers! I can’t believe how much he is growing. We have our final Baby & Me class on Monday. I am probably going to have to stop doing as many classes with him if I put him in daycare or get a nanny – which I suppose I have to do anyway since I need to get more work done during the day. In June, I hope to start swim lessons with him, and I’d like to sign up for a music class with a bunch of the other women from our Baby & Me class. We are planning to continue with a playgroup, so that should be fun.

Next week is another crazy week – Wednesday and Thursday night is the beginning of Passover, an 8 day holiday for us. The first two nights are marked by a special dinner known as a seder, and we will be hosting the 2nd seder at our house. Most of Elliot’s family will be coming to town to join us, and this is only the 2nd holiday we’ve hosted together. We are nervous about all the chaos, but also excited to spend time with the family. This will be the 2nd time Micah has met his Poppy Ira and Grandma Roberta. I’m hoping all goes smoothly and that Micah goes to bed easily even with all the commotion in the house. I think Elliot & I will be cooking for the next week. He went out tonight to pick up a turkey and some brisket so we can get started this weekend. I’ll give an update next week!

Three Month Photo

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With all the craziness going on, I neglected to post about Micah’s 3 month photo shoot. At our second month photo shoot, Micah arrived just in time for his feeding. We had to feed him, change his diaper, and basically waste an hour trying to get him in the right frame of mind. Ultimately, it worked – the February pictures were gorgeous! This month, I decided I could time things better. I knew Micah’s eating and sleeping schedule, and I was sure I could get him napping and get out the door in perfect time to wake up happy and content for the photos.

Silly me! Micah was hell bent on NOT napping (not really a shock, since we did decide to take his pictures on Friday the 13th). The feeding timing worked out perfectly, and Micah was finally crashing just in time to go in his carseat and drive to the mall. Except . . . Elliot was running late. So Micah sat in the carseat ready to sleep, but progressively got pissy that we weren’t going anywhere. We finally got out the door, and Micah fell asleep in the car. Unfortunately, because we only had 20 minutes until the photo session, his nap was cut short. Had we left on time, he would have had a nice long nap. Just my luck!

We went inside to take the pictures. Micah looked adorable in his outfit! The only problem . . . he wouldn’t smile. In fact, he kept crying any time we removed his paci. We had a hard time getting a good picture of him. In fact, we only were able to get one good picture – but what a winner!


Click here to see the other photos from the shoot.

The things they don’t tell you

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At the risk of sounding as if I’m complaining about motherhood, I am about to blog about all the things “they” don’t tell you about motherhood. Make no mistake – I LOVE my Micah, and I LOVE being a mommy. Micah is absolutely adorable, and I’m constantly amazed by how he is growing and developing. He has the most wonderful smile – every time I see it light up his face, my heart melts.

So . . . back to the point of my blog – the things they don’t tell you about having a baby.

BREASTFEEDING. I’ve mentioned this a bunch of times, but breastfeeding is not easy. Let’s start with the fact that latching should be easy, but it isn’t always. Then, factor in issues of supply. Then move on to the demand factor – you have to be the one completely available to your little one 24 hours a day to provide for his/her eating needs. When you are exhausted, or overwhelmed, or sick, YOU still have to be the primary one responsible for feeding your baby. It is an enormous responsibility, and there is very little feedback to reassure you that you are doing it right. Taking time off? Not really an option – even if you step away, you still have to make sure to pump enough to keep the supply up. I think bottle-feeding moms really do have an advantage because they gain far more independence and can much more easily share this responsibility with a spouse.

PLAYING. It sounds strange, but I’m never sure that I am playing with Micah enough . . . or stimulating his brain development sufficiently. Sometimes it is hard to figure out what to do, and I always feel like I am not doing enough. Other times, I just want to sit quietly with him, and I wonder if I’m wasting precious moments when I should be teaching him something. I have no idea whether we are supposed to fill every waking second (when they are not eating) with learning.

IDENTITY. I blogged about this before, but I really feel like I’ve lost myself a bit. My whole life now revolves around this little tiny life, and sometimes I feel like I’ve lost me. I’m working hard to find me again and re-establish that balance, but it is much harder than I realized.

INDEPENDENCE. I find it difficult to go out for extended periods of time. Much of this may have to do with the fact I am breastfeeding, but it is difficult to figure out how to leave Micah for long stretches of time. Even figuring out how to pump when I am out is challenging. As a result, I feel like I do not have time to get things done . . . either my work, or even spending time with friends, or getting my nails done. I know that moms are able to balance this when they go back to work, but I guess I am a bit more nervous about testing the waters because we JUST got my supply established the past few weeks, and I’m so afraid of messing it all up. My goal over the next few weeks is to figure out how to give myself some space when I need it – maybe have a few days a week that we bottle feed Micah during the day to give me a bit of a break. I am really ready to be able to take the day off and either let Elliot have a full day with Micah or ask my parents to babysit. Now that he is sleeping through the night, it would be so easy to let him stay at his Grammy and Goppy’s house overnight.

SLEEP. I’ll throw a bone to the sleep deprivation factor, although I don’t sleep much in the first place. I have to say, I did not think this would affect me at all, and I was amazed by how difficult the first few weeks were. With all of the feeding issues I was having, I really did not get ANY sleep in the beginning. They tell you to nap when the baby is napping, but if you are feeding every 2-3 hours from the START of a feed, and if the feeding takes over 1 hour, and then it takes another 15-20 minutes to pump (factoring in the setup and cleanup) . . . well, you are at 2 hours, and it is time to start over again! I would say I’m lucky – by the 2 week mark, Micah was sleeping 4-6 hours without interruption overnight, and that immediately gave me my normal sleep schedule back, so my sleep deprivation was short-lived.

Update on Me

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The past few weeks have really been great for me. The hardest part of becoming a mom and staying home all these weeks has been that I feel like I’ve been losing me. When friends call, I feel tied down and incapable of leaving to go out for a little while. Micah’s eating had been a huge consuming part of my life, and has left me a bit unsure about stepping away for too long. When I have friends on the phone, I have lost my ability to hold a conversation – I have nothing to discuss other than Micah. I can talk about poop, or sleeping, or breastfeeding, or how many ounces I can pump. I can tell you the last time I fed the baby, and how many outfits he has worn in any given day . . . but most of these things probably aren’t interesting to anyone other than me . . . or possibly Elliot. I don’t do anything else during the day, so it is quite difficult to find interesting topics to discuss. I have felt a bit starved for grownup interactions, and I miss doing my work and being able to go to meetings and schedule my calls. I definitely needed this time off, and I’m not ready to fully return to work, but I miss me.

So, the past few weeks I’ve tried to get a life. I joined a Baby & Me class at the JCC, which has been wonderful! It gets us out of the house once a week, and we interact with other mommies. I don’t feel quite so boring because I have lots of other mommies who don’t care if I talk diapers and pumping. I have been going to a breastfeeding support group (BEST) that gets me out of the house a second day and I usually go out to lunch after that as well. I am certain I will develop a nice playgroup for Micah from all of these activities. Next month, I am joining the OnesiesDC group – each week for 6 weeks, we will go to a different location for a baby-friendly activity – infant massage, a yoga class, a pottery class, a visit with a pediatrician, a photo session, etc. I am excited to learn what activities are out there for Micah and me!

Perhaps the best things that have happened are Micah finally nursing “normally” and sleeping through the night. Nursing normally allows me the freedom to just feed him – when he wants, when we are out, etc. I now have a stash of breast milk in the freezer, so I don’t have a panic about what to do if I have to (or want to) run out. It has been unbelievably freeing! Even better, Micah is now sleeping through the night. We put him down at 8:30 and he sleeps until 6:30 or so. What is amazing about that is I can go out after he is asleep! I can even miss the last feed and go out to dinner and have an evening out. On Wednesday, I left Elliot with a bottle of milk, nursed Micah at 7, then went out to dinner with a friend. It was so freeing to be able to just go out and do my thing for a few hours.

My mom and dad have been great about babysitting. On Sunday night, they came over and watched Micah for a few hours. Elliot & I were able to go out for dinner to celebrate a belated Valentine’s Day – our first “date night” since Micah was born. It was some time we needed to recharge our relationship. Of course, we spent the whole time talking about Micah, but at least we got out! Now that we officially have a bedtime routine and Micah is sleeping through the night, I think we are going to start having them babysit AND put Micah to bed so we can take a longer evening to ourselves. My mom actually asked if she could come and do this one night a week!

So, slowly but surely, I’m trying to find myself again. The new me . . . the one that is a mommy, and the one that has a life beyond being a mommy, too. The balance is so important to me – I really want to “have it all.” Wish me luck!

2 months today

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I can’t get over the fact that Micah is 2 months old today. We have been through so much already, and I’m amazed by how much he is growing and changing. Here is a general update on Micah at 2 months:

  • Breastfeeding is finally going well! He is latching without a nipple shield, nursing efficiently and able to get what he needs from me without formula or even bottle supplements of breast milk. I’m even able to get in a pumping session every day and now have a bit of a stockpile of breast milk!
  • He has graduated this week from the newborn size diaper to a size 1. What a road . . . we started out and the preemie diapers were big on him!
  • Micah is officially able to wear the 0-3 month size clothing. He hasn’t outgrown the newborn size yet, but that looks like it will happen in the next 2 weeks. I can’t believe that the preemie clothes were huge on him when we first brought him home, and now he is wearing those “giant” 0-3 month outfits.
  • Micah is holding his head up and can even roll over!
  • He has started showing an interest in toys/objects. He is fascinated by the mobile and his playmat, and he now smiles at me and notices when I leave the room. He also recognizes me – he calms down when he sees me or I pick him up. He also is recognizing some of the songs I sing . . . “You are my Sunshine” immediately quiets him down now.
  • Micah sleeps through the night! He is officially sleeping at least 9 hours at night (I hope I don’t regret posting that)!
  • We are starting to develop routines . . . for napping, nighttime sleeping, etc. I am actually liking the predictability right now – it is nice to know that I can go out and do something during certain times of the day.
  • We’ve met some wonderful people through our Baby & Me class, and it looks like we have a playgroup forming!
  • Micah now enjoys bathtime, and he doesn’t shriek bloody murder when we change his diaper.
  • Micah can sit quietly awake and not need to be held.
  • He is starting to exhibit his personality, and has definite likes/dislikes. I think I have one stubborn little boy!

So . . . happy 2-month birthday, my little Valentine.