A Note to Expectant Mothers

Tonight was my first speaking engagement with a room full of expectant mothers. I spoke at a “Meet the Experts” event for Mama’s Link, held at Kidville.  I have to say, it was tougher than I thought it would be!  How do you boil down the key concepts of the first six months of sleep for expectant mothers without overwhelming them with information?  After reflecting on the evening, here is my take-away…my list of “top tips” for new moms:

• Sleep is a learned skill – but it is learned over time.  Ultimately, your child should learn to put him/herself to sleep without a “sleep crutch” – a negative sleep association that requires something to be done either to or for them to fall asleep.
• You can’t spoil a newborn…it is all about responding to their needs and making them feel loved and secure.
• Consistency matters…work on developing flexible but predictable routines around eat and sleep for your child over the early weeks and months.
• Before your baby arrives, talk to your spouse/significant other about your sleep plan – do you want your baby co-sleeping in your bedroom?  For how long?  Do you want to share a bed with your child?  for how long?  Any option can work for your family, but if you become an “accidental” bed-sharer, you (or your spouse/significant other) may grow to resent your baby’s presence in the bed.
• The first night or two, babies often seem “perfect” – they sleep all night, and just wake to feed.  The 3rd  or 4th nights can be a different story…and often coincides with coming home from the hospital!  Don’t worry – it is likely just a short-lived case of the baby fussies, and once you and your baby get to know each other better (and your baby’s natural clock kicks in), nighttime should become easier again.
• Moms also need to make sure to take care of themselves…sleep when baby sleeps, eat, and make time for just YOU – even if you just escapes for a brief period here and there. If you are a stay at home mom, you have to remember that even though you’ve taken on the job of raising your child, that does not mean you are not entitled to some time for you!
• Practice Dr. Harvey Karp’s 5 S’s to help soothe your baby when upset…swaddling, stomach/side hold, shushing, swinging, and sucking.
• Back is best (for SIDs prevention).  Because babies do not sleep as deeply on their backs (startle reflex), swaddling babies helps promote good sleep habits.
• Don’t be afraid to try a variety of tools to help you calm and soothe your baby to sleep during the early weeks…a bouncy seat, strange voices, a quiet song, a swing. Sometimes, your baby will hate a tool the first time or two, but could grow to love it later. The lesson is to try, try again…you never know when s/he may start to love something new!
• Take steps to help your baby differentiate between night and day.  During daytime hours, expose your baby to lots of natural light and room lights.  At nighttime, prepare a quiet, dark environment for your baby.  Limit exposure to television at nighttime, and consider getting room darkening shades to help keep the light out.  Treat nighttime feedings/wakings in a “business-like” manner – keep it quiet, dark, and about the feeding, not playtime.  Children need morning rituals to help differentiate between nighttime and daytime (a good morning song, opening the blinds, etc.)
• Right around 4 weeks of age, babies start to “wake-up” during the day – this is when it becomes important that they do not become over-tired.  Most babies should not be awake longer than 60-90 minutes for the first few months.  It is a good idea to watch the clock and start putting your newborn down to sleep (in their crib, in a swing, in your arms, in a car seat, in a stroller…whatever works!) within 90 minutes after each waking all day.  This process will help lay the foundation for excellent sleep habits as your baby grows.
• If you are nursing, look for other ways to soothe your child other than nursing, especially after the first 6 weeks.  This will help your baby learn to find comfort in many different ways, and not depend upon nursing to soothe him/her and go to sleep.
• By 6 weeks, start working on putting your baby to sleep drowsy but awake – falling asleep without a bottle or breast in their mouth.
• Newborns prefer a later bedtime…once your baby starts to get older and sleep at least 8 hours at night, (by 4-5 months of age) bedtime should move earlier.
• Don’t expect to see a regular nap routine for your child until they are older – many babies do not consolidate into three regular naps a day until they are 6-8 months old!  Until then, just watch those awake windows and sleepy cues from your children. 
• You will sleep again!  Newborns generally wake every 2-3 hours around the clock to eat the first few weeks of life, but many newborns begin to give 3-4 hour stretches between weeks 2-4.  By week 8, most babies can go at least 1 4-6 hour stretch without feeding at night (and some will go longer).  By week 12, most babies can do a 6-8 hour stretch at night without eating.  By 4 months, most babies can sleep 8 hours without eating, and 10-11 hours by 5 months.  

Finally, balance and meeting your needs, both sleep and otherwise, are critical in the early weeks.  Many expectant parents wonder how they will function with so little sleep.  The truth is, you just do it.  You try to sleep when your baby is sleeping, you forgive yourself when you fail to keep a clean house, and you remember to eat and take care of you.  Having strong family support and a good partner throughout the process makes it easier and better.